


glass heart

by myheadisapumpkin



Series: glass heart [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I love him, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Pining, and my wife, im fuckign gay for morrigan and im pisst that origins wont let me bang her, morrigan being an angst hoe, only in 1 chapter tho and there's a summary of it if u prefer, queerplatonic zev/warden, zevran being the sweetest fucking dude alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2019-08-02 07:16:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16300526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheadisapumpkin/pseuds/myheadisapumpkin
Summary: When she begins to watch her warden (Herwarden? she did not belong to Morrigan, and she honestly wasn’t quite sure what made her head think so) no longer seeking out the bard Leliana’s company after leaving her, she notices how instead she heads to Zevran’s tent some evenings. She does her best to ignore the strange feelings that swell in her chest. Feelings of abandonment, feelings of loneliness, feelings of…Jealousy.Emotions she rarely felt anymore.Yet somehow this small elven woman had managed to twist her world into something else, something brighter, and Morrigan wasn’t sure how easy it would be for her to leave once this was all over.------------------Morrigan finds herself caring way too much for someone she's planning to leave behind.





	1. unloved

**Author's Note:**

> helo this fic is my literal child
> 
> ive been birthing it for appromixately 2 years and its still not done for fucks sa
> 
> hope u enjoy !!!!!!!

 A blue glass arrow-head encased in an outline of gold. 

Morrigan had noticed it before. She had seen it when the warden had come to her in the evenings, wearing only loose clothing, a blanket around her shoulders, and a beautiful necklace resting between her breasts. She gave Morrigan soft smiles she did not deserve and sat with her while the others kept their distance. She brought her supper, despite Morrigan claiming she could easily find her own. She would twirl her short red braids around her fingers as she talked, memories of her alienage, memories of her family. Morrigan opened up without meaning to, without wanting to; something about the warden seemed to draw her in, until eventually she could see her as no less than a friend. 

When she begins to watch her warden ( _Her_ warden? she did not belong to Morrigan, and she honestly wasn’t quite sure what made her head think so) no longer seeking out the bard Leliana’s company after leaving her, she notices how instead she heads to Zevran’s tent some evenings. She does her best to ignore the strange feelings that swell in her chest. Feelings of abandonment, feelings of loneliness, feelings of… 

Jealousy.

Emotions she rarely felt anymore.

Yet somehow this small elven woman had managed to twist her world into something else, something brighter, and Morrigan wasn’t sure how easy it would be for her to leave once this was all over. 

She watches the way they talk when they’re out and about on missions; she doesn’t fail to notice the over-the-top flirting between the two, the loud rambunctious laughter at his sex jokes. Nor does she miss the blush on Alistair’s cheeks, or the far-away look in Leliana’s eyes.  _’Tis a good thing she is happy,_ Morrigan thinks to herself. _So why do I not feel happiness for her?_

Weeks pass, and her warden's ( _The_ warden, _the the the_ ) visits to her side of camp become shorter and fewer. Morrigan wishes she could yell at her, tell her to not bother with her any longer and go back to Zevran where she belongs. Yet she doesn’t want to lose her company, and she definitely doesn’t want to hurt her. 

So she sits and waits, evening after evening, for a visit that might not be coming. 

This evening, however, she wanders over, in her loose clothing once more, and an overly large thick jumper that looks like it might be Alistair’s. She looks cute, of all things, and Morrigan has half a mind to tell her that. 

“Supper’s here, your worship,” Kallian teases, setting down a bowl of whatever Ferelden muck Alistair has attempted to cook. She takes a seat next to Morrigan, a small smile on her face. _Why does she have to sit so close?_ Morrigan wonders, before finding that she doesn’t actually mind.

“It appears you have misplaced your own clothing,” Morrigan says, picking up the bowl. She takes a bite and regrets it.

“Hmm, oh this? Alistair insisted,” Kallian says, watching the flames twirl in the campfire. “He thinks I’ll catch a cold from walking around like this. Little does he know, I’ve got strong elven skin,” she says, before flexing her small arms. 

Morrigan gives a low chuckle. “How does your race affect your skin’s ability to deflect the cold?"

“We used to be immortal you know,” Kallian says, pulling her legs up to her chest. “I mean, that’s what a Dalish once told me anyway. So we must have pretty strong skin to live that long."

“An interesting theory,” Morrigan replies, amused. 

Kallian scratches her chest absentmindedly, moving the fabric away. Morrigan catches a glimpse of the blue necklace once again, her interest piqued. “What is that?” She asks. “I have been meaning to enquire."

Kallian looks down, before tugging the necklace free of the fabric. “This? It’s my mother’s necklace,” she says softly. “She was given to it by her mother, and her mother before that… It’s gone down through the family for who knows how long. Mother even suspected it came from back when the elves were in charge.” 

“And you?” Morrigan says. “Do you believe?"

“I’d like to,” Kallian replies in a quiet tone. “But when I think of it like that, I feel like I’m not… Suitable to possess it, you know? Like I should give it over to the Dalish. I mean, they live for finding these kind of artifacts,” Kallian cradles the necklace in her hands. “So I prefer to just think of it as my mother’s. My family’s. That’s where it’s meaning lies for me,” she lets the necklace drop back onto her chest. Morrigan’s eyes follow, before she eventually pulls them away. “I hope one day I can pass it down to someone."

“You desire children?”

“I don’t not desire them, I suppose,” Kallian says. “Honestly, I haven’t made up my mind. Maker knows what kind of mother I would be,” Kallian chuckles.

“A fine one, I would bet on."

“I sincerely doubt that,” she laughs, but Morrigan notices the light blush on her cheeks. Or maybe she’s just too warm from the jumper?

“I do not,” Morrigan continues. “You have a way with people. I’m sure you would make a better mother than most. Most definitely better than me."

“I disagree,” Kallian says. “I think you would be a good mother, Morrigan."

Morrigan laughs. “You have seen the woman I grew up with, no?"

“And that’s exactly why,” Kallian replies, shuffling closer. Morrigan refuses to let her eyes wander from the other’s. “You have known the hardships of a harsh mother. You would not wish the same on your own child, correct?"

“’Tis true,” Morrigan agrees, hesitantly.

“Then you would work not to treat your child unkindly,” Kallian concludes. “You would not let your child go unloved.” Kallian wraps one hand around Morrigan’s, clutching it tightly.

Morrigan is quiet for a moment, reflecting. Her heart is beating unevenly in her chest, the feeling of the warden’s hand against hers, her skin soft despite the calluses that litter her fingers, small scratches and marks littering her skin from where she’s nicked herself in battle or been playing too roughly with the dog. 

Sadly, their time together is interrupted. 

“O' Warden, my Warden!” Zevran sings across the camp, before striding over. 

Morrigan’s nose scrunches up out of habit and she pulls her hand free of Kallian’s. She doesn’t fail to notice the hurt in Kallian’s eyes from the movement, quickly looking away. “I suppose our time for the evening has come to an end,” Morrigan says, getting to her feet. “I shall see you in the morning, my friend."

“You don’t wish to speak with Zev at all?” Kallian says, disappointed. 

“I have no interest in your lover,” Morrigan says, testing Kallian’s reactions. She watches closely now, the way Kallian tips her head to side in confusion, like the dog does.

“Lover?” She repeats. “What a strange word.” 

“Is that not what he is?"

“Zevran is…” She trails off, contemplating.

“Handsome? Beautiful? Incredible in bed?” The Antivan accent thick in his voice as he approaches, and Morrigan has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

“Morrigan thinks you’re my lover,” Kallian says casually. Morrigan almost feels uncomfortable by it.

“Lover? Quite a strong word,” Zevran responds, but does not seem perturbed. Neither of them do, and it nags at something in the back of Morrigan’s mind. 

“Do you two not love each other?” Morrigan asks, now the confused one. “Between the unfavourable amount of flirting you do and the loud sex you’ve been having every night, surely there must be something there."

The two share a blank look, before looking back at Morrigan. “We enjoy sex,” Kallian starts.

“And teasing each other,” Zevran continues.

“But I do not think it is how you imagine it to be,” Kallian finishes. “We are close, it is true. Love, however? I am not sure that is where our situation is headed."

“And you?” Morrigan asks, looking to Zevran.

Zevran shrugs. “I agree with Kalli. We have a mutual understanding of each other. Beyond platonic, but not quite romantic. Wouldn’t you say?"

“Yes, like that,” Kallian agrees.

Morrigan looks back and forth between them. “What a mess,” She mutters. “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight, Kallian. Zevran."

She can feel their eyes on her back, especially Kallian’s, fierce and burning. “What was that about?” She hears Zevran ask, but does not hear Kallian’s reply, just her mutterings as they wander back to their tent. 

Morrigan lays her head down on the pillow, thoughts swirling of her warden and the blue arrow-head necklace. 


	2. unprotected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> landsmeet occurs, rescue mission ensues

She notices the Antivan wearing it one day. It hangs proudly and obnoxiously from his neck as they eat breakfast, and Morrigan wishes for nothing more than to rip it from his neck and return it to it’s rightful place on the Warden’s chest. She does not ask, however; it is none of her business, after all. Yet she can’t tear her gaze away from it, away from Kallian’s bare neck, away from the small touches they share. 

“Isn’t that Kallian’s necklace you seem to be sporting, Zevran?” Wynne asks. For once, Morrigan appreciates Wynne’s input into the conversation.

“Ah, this? Why indeed it is,” Zevran says, caressing the arrowhead. 

“You two seem to be getting quite serious now,” Wynne says, carefully. Her eyes flicker between the two of them and Leliana, and then surprisingly, over to Morrigan.

“It’s not how you think,” Kallian says, sitting down with her food. The dog comes over to her wagging his tail and plants his head on her lap. “I just needed him to look after it for a while, that’s all. Plus, he does look quite pretty with it."

“You flatterer,” Zevran teases, nudging her. “Trying to woo me?"

“Not that it’s hard,” Kallian teases back. Zevran laughs.

“I suppose not,” he says, smiling. “Even Alistair with his poor attempts at flirting could probably get me into bed in less than three sentences. Although that has more to do with that fact that he has a _fine_ figure."

“W-what?!” Alistair blurts, dropping his fork. Kallian breaks out into laughter, clutching her stomach as she watches Alistair’s face turn completely red. Zevran wiggles his eyebrows enticingly, and Kallian laughs even more. The sound of her laugh brings smiles to all of their companions, even the hint of one to the stern qunari Sten’s face.

“You two are rather chipper despite it being the Landsmeet today,” Alistair mutters, looking back at his food. “Aren’t you nervous at all?"

“I don’t get nervous,” Kallian says, chowing down her food at a remarkable speed. “I’m ready to fuck shit up."

“Please don’t,” Alistair deadpans. 

“Can’t promise anything,” she says, winking at him. 

“Try not to cause too much trouble, dear,” Wynne says, frowning.

Kallian rolls her eyes, smiling fondly. “I’ll try, _mother_."

“More like grandmother,” Morrigan mutters. 

Wynne glares at her, while Kallian and Alistair giggle. “You’re not too old for me to put you over my knee, young lady,” Wynne says, and Morrigan barely gets the chance to reply before Zevran makes his own witty retort.

“You can _always_ put me over your knee, Wynne. Maybe a good spanking will do me good."

“Hopeless,” Wynne says, shaking her head and going back to eating her breakfast. “You children are hopeless. And somehow  _we’re_ responsible for stopping the Blight."

The banter continues as it usually does, before Kallian heads off to talk to Shale before they leave. Just as they’re heading out of camp, Kallian tucks her mother’s necklace under Zevran’s armour, before smiling softly at him. He smiles back at her and they make their way off to Denerim, and Morrigan hides away the tinge of jealousy she feels at not being the one to wear it.

 

After the Landsmeet, Morrigan understands just why Kallian had given away her necklace. She seemed to have an inkling about the fact she and Alistair would get captured by Ser Cauthrien. Zevran, of course, volunteers to go rescue them first. The others were just as willing to go, but something in Wynne’s expression made her step forward.

“I shall go too,” she says, watching the surprise on the others faces. “What are you all gawking at? Am I not allowed to express worry for a friend?"

“It would be a first,” Leliana says, raising an eyebrow. “I was intending to accompany Zevran."

“Well I’m afraid that position has been taken,” Morrigan says, moving past her. “We must move quickly.” She says to Zevran, ignoring the thunderous expression on the bard’s face.

They make quick work of the guards; first attempting to bluff their way through before eventually having to result to fighting. It takes a while to navigate the fortress but they work quickly and quietly to navigate their way there, neither interested in much of a conversation. Or so Morrigan had thought.

“So,” Zevran starts as they’re sneaking past another round of guards. “You and the warden have an interesting relationship, no?"

“Is this really the time?” Morrigan hisses, following after him. 

“On the contrary, it is exactly the time. Whenever I attempt conversation, you are eager to evade me."

“You will be held responsible if we are caught."

“But we won’t be."

“Ugh."

“So?"

“So what?"

“You and Kallian."

“I could say the same for you."

“Indeed,” Zevran says, “But we have made it clear what our relationship is. Yours however…"

“Is none of your business,” Morrigan replies coldly.

“Ahhh, I see,” Zevran says, a knowing glint in his eye as he turns back to her. 

“ _What?_ "

“Nothing, nothing,” Zevran says, innocently.

“Spit it out, elf."

“Love, my dear Morrigan,” Zevran’s lips curl into a smile too soft for Morrigan to trust. 

“I have no idea of what you speak."

“You do. The warden knows it as well. You pine for each other, yet you do not dare disturb what you have. If only you would just admit it."

“I have nothing to admit, most definitely not to you,” Morrigan spits. “Enough of this talk. We must find them quickly."

“You do not care that your hidden feelings may be hurting her?” Zevran asks, tilting his head to the side to look at her. He looks so serious for a change, Morrigan can barely recognise it as Zevran, the flirtatious elven assassin who hasn’t a serious bone in his body.

“You do not understand of what you speak."

“I understand love, my dear.” Morrigan remains silent, moving past him to look out for guards before sliding around a corner. “What is holding you back?"

“Quiet, elf."

“Is it fear? Or perhaps -"

“SHUT UP!” Morrigan screeches, before stopping. They stare at each other wide-eyed as the sound of guards come racing towards them. “Look what you’ve done,” Morrigan hisses, readying her staff.

“Yes yes, my fault,” Zevran replies, pulling his daggers free. “Or maybe I just really wanted to murder someone."

“Despicable.” Morrigan shakes her head, the first of the soldiers rounding the corner. 

After they successfully manage to maim or kill the guards, they head off in the direction they were going, finally, _finally_ stumbling upon the two mostly-naked wardens curled up in a cell. 

“Good evening, my dear wardens,” Zevran greets them lightly as he strolls over to them.

“My knights in shining armour,” Kallian sighs in relief, a tired smile on her face. “Chuck us some clothes, will you? I’m bloody freezing. My nipples could poke an eye out, Alistair’s terrified."

“I am _not_ terrified of your… Just let us out, will you?” Alistair says, getting to his feet and hoping the others ignore the red blush forming on his cheeks. 

“Or I could leave you in here and stare for a while,” Zevran teases. “Ah yes, _very_ nice."

“Zevran!” Alistair splutters, and Kallian laughs. 

“Can we get out of here already? The guards will be here in no time after that last little fiasco.” Morrigan says, opening a nearby chest to find their armour and weapons hidden inside.

“An excellent plan,” Alistair sighs. “Oh god, did I just agree with Morrigan? I must be deluded from being stuck in such ridiculous company for so long."

“I’m not ridiculous company!” Kallian pouts. “I was lifting your spirits! Raising your morale! My jokes were comedy gold."

“They were _awful_ , I’m pretty sure only the dog would love you for them."

“Not a chance; at least the dog has a good sense of humour,” Morrigan says, dryly.

“Morrigan,” Kallian whines, while the others titter. Zevran works on unpicking the lock, looking slightly irritated as he does so. “Is someone struggling to pick the locks?” Kallian says in a sing-song voice.

“I am a dastardly rogue, a master of trickery, an ex-crow, you think I cannot unlock this pathetic little lo-"

“Move aside,” Kallian says, pushing him back. She grabs his tools, awkwardly reaching around to fit them in. Two seconds later, the door swings open. Kallian walks out smugly, Alistair following behind her. 

Zevran frowns at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “I could have done that, I just needed another second-"

“Whatever makes you feel better Zev,” Kallian says, winking at him before taking her armour from Morrigan and beginning to redress. “Holy shit have I missed my daggers,” Kallian sighs happily, tucking them into their holders. “Right, let’s get out of here. I need food and a nap."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @bloody_boi  
> tumblr: bleakzeke.tumblr.com


	3. unwanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan and Kallian discuss Kallian's tattoos.

The necklace returns to Kallian’s chest once they are situated back at Arl Eamon’s estate. She wanders around the castle in her loose clothes once more, a gold earring on one ear and a lazy smile on her face. It isn’t long until she encounters Morrigan, sat by the fireplace with the dog by her side, petting him gently while he sleeps. She hears Kallian enter, but does not move from her place. “Hey,” Kallian starts, taking a seat beside her. She leans over her to affectionately rub behind the dogs ears, who lets out a soft sound in his sleep.

“You should be sleeping,” Morrigan says instead of greeting. 

“So should you,” she points out.

“I am not tired. Today’s events were… Interesting, to say the least.” Her mind rolls back to the odd conversations with Zevran, the strange looks he had given her, the things he’d said. _You pine for each other, yet you do not dare disturb what you have._

“They certainly were,” Kallian chuckles, rubbing the necklace between her fingers as she speaks. They do not speak any further in that moment, and Morrigan takes the time to admire the elf. Her short blood red hair, darker than Leliana’s, with short thick braids embedded in it. Her wide green eyes that glow slightly in the darkness, the image of the flame reflecting in them. The small freckles covering her nose. The mole by her right eye. The dark tattoos that cover her face. 

“I have never inquired,” Morrigan starts. “What do those tattoos mean to you? Obviously you are not Dalish."

Kallian puts a hand to her face, laughing sheepishly. “I… When I was younger, I was… Obsessed with the Dalish. Everything I’d heard about them was like one big dream for me. The vallaslin that mark their faces as a right of passage, the freedom from humans, the whole culture… _My_ heritage. I wished I could join them. I was young and foolish; I came up with a plan. I told Shianni and Soris and then I just… Left. I went to find the Dalish, lost in my dreams. I got harassed by humans on my way, but I didn’t let them bother me. I knew what I was doing, and I could defend myself; my mother made sure of that. I found some eventually; begged them to take me in. They refused, turned me away. I came back. They refused, I came back. Finally, they gave in.” Kallian takes a deep breath, looking down at her hands.

“And then they gave you your… Vallaslin?” Morrigan asks.

Kallian shakes her head. “This is no vallaslin. The markings that brand their faces are of their gods; yet this resembles none of theirs.” Her expression crumples, and Morrigan wonders if maybe she shouldn’t have asked about it. She had never known the markings to cause the warden such pain. “They gave me these markings. Markings of the Dread Wolf,” she says, the words turning sour in her voice. 

“The Dread Wolf?"

“An elven tale. The Dread Wolf betrayed the gods and locked them away while he laughed. Something like that. It basically was a means to brand me as an outsider.” 

“I see.” Morrigan watches as the other turns away, before rubbing her eyes with her sleeves. Tears. 

Kallian gives a small sad laugh. “It’s funny. I was so excited to have them. I took the pain, even when it felt like it was burning. I let them do it. I treated it as a _gift_. They sneered and jeered at me and sent me on my way. My father came after me, found me crying in the forest.” Kallian fiddles with her hands. “Now I’ll forever have these tattoos on my face. As a reminder. That we are not the same and we never will be. Our ears may be pointed, but we have nothing in common. I am not an elf as they are."

Morrigan lifts her hand, curling one finger under Kallian’s chin until she’s facing her. “What does that make Zevran?"

“Zevran?” Kallian asks in confusion.

“He is an elf, no? Though by your standards, he would not be."

“That’s not what I meant."

“You are no less of an elf for growing up in an alienage. The Dalish are proud - too proud for their own good - and should not have treated you in that way.” Morrigan swipes her thumb under Kallian’s eye to wipe away a stray tear. Kallian looks back at her, lost and sad. “You deserved better."

“Did I?” She whispers. 

“Yes,” Morrigan whispers back. “You did.” She watches Kallian’s eyes as they drop down to Morrigan’s lips and back up again. Morrigan can feel herself screaming in her head not to - she knows what will happen if she does this, she knows she can’t - but she does it anyway. She leans forward and closes the gap between them, her lips against the elf’s, wet cheeks meeting her own dry ones. Kallian leans in closer, a hand resting on Morrigan’s knee. They sit there together for a while, silent but for the sound of their lips moving against one another, the light snoring of the dog and the fire crackling. 

Kallian eventually pulls back, slowly and gently, a small smile in place. Morrigan’s heart feels heavy in her chest from knowing that she’s the one who put that smile there. _This will make things harder later, she tells herself. Stop while you’re ahead._

Yet she leans in once more, lips moving harder and faster this time, urgent and passionate, with Kallian responding in just. Kallian takes her hand, pulling her to her feet and over to the bed. The dog wakes up briefly from the disturbance before quickly falling asleep once again. They fall onto the bed, Morrigan’s hands running under Kallian’s loose clothing, over her breasts, around her necklace. She kisses down Kallian’s neck, her now naked chest, watching her squirm beneath her. Her breath is heavy and washes over Morrigan as she goes to work, the pulses of arousal leaving her mind cloudy and unable to think of anything other than the soft, beautiful girl beneath her. Kallian rolls them over in due time, playing Morrigan at her own game, making them both laugh when she finds a ticklish spot. They spend the night in each other’s arms, skin against skin, and for a moment, all is well.

+++

She’s warm.

That’s the first thing that comes to Morrigan’s mind when she wakes. She feels a body pressed up behind her, an arm across her waist. Her breath tickles her neck. Her smell is everywhere.

For the first few moments, Morrigan doesn’t move. She’s frozen in place as the dread washes over her, before she feels a tear escape her eye. She moves slowly and gently out from the other woman’s embrace, quietly gathering up her clothes and putting them on. _I cannot believe I did this_ , Morrigan thinks to herself as she tugs on a boot. _This will make everything so much worse, so so much worse-_

“Hey,” a sleepy greeting calls over to her. “You goin’ somewhere?” 

Morrigan stills, her back still facing the elf. “I was going to go for breakfast,” she lies. “I did not wish to wake you."

“Or you could come back to bed with me,” Kallian purrs, and Morrigan can feel her resolve reach a breaking point. 

“Kallian, I…" Morrigan starts, holding a boot in one hand. 

She hears the rumple of sheets, hears the sound of her naked feet crossing the floor. She tenses when a pair of arms wrap around her. “What’s up?” Kallian asks, softly. “Did I do something wrong?"

“No,” Morrigan says instantly, turning around. Kallian is wrapped in a sheet, her cheeks rosy and eyes bright. Morrigan flips a coin inside her head. _Break her heart now or break it later._ She flips. She sighs. “Kallian, I do not think we should continue this."

Eyes wide, disbelieving. Arms lowering. Face contorting. “What do you mean?"

“Us,” Morrigan says, keeping her voice as even as she can. “I… I will not leave your side until the Blight is over, warden, but _this_ … I… I cannot."

“Is it…” Kallian starts, biting her lip. She stares at her naked toes. “Is it because I’m a woman?"

“No,” Morrigan says, desperate to reach out for her. She does not.

“An elf, then?"

“It is not you that is the problem.”

Kallian looks back up at her, eyes shining with tears. Morrigan looks away. “Then tell me what the problem _is._ "

“You do not want to be with me, Kallian.” 

“I do. I do want to be with you.” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve wanted to be with you ever since we met."

“I am no good to you,” Morrigan says, beginning to make her way to the door. 

“That is not an answer!” Kallian yells, grabbing her wrist. Morrigan faces her without wishing to, the hot angry tears spilling down her cheeks, her eyes hardened. “Tell me. Tell me _now_."

Morrigan wishes more than anything for the warden to join her little world. She would take her to so many places, so many different worlds, explore her own history and reclaim what she was denied - she would do anything for the beautiful warden city elf. And that’s why she lies. “Fine,” she says coldly. “This was a mistake. I do not want to be with you.” She looks her in the eye as she speaks, punishing herself for her behaviour by watching her love’s heart break in front of her eyes. 

“Oh.” Kallian speaks so softly that Morrigan isn’t sure if she imagined it. Her expression crumples, the anger slipping away to be replaced with sadness. “Right then,” she whispers. The dog whines from the corner, before padding over to her, rubbing his face at her leg. She gives a sad laugh. “It’s okay. That’s just how some things are.” Morrigan lowers her head. She doesn’t want to watch Kallian crumble any longer, unsure if she can take it. She lifts her hand, as if to reach out for her, before stopping herself. She turns to leave the room. This time, Kallian does not stop her.


	4. unheard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana meddles with Morrigan, while Kallian seeks comfort in someone else.

Morrigan does not accompany Kallian on her travels for some weeks. Kallian blatantly avoids her, and Morrigan doesn’t blame her. However, the loneliness she faced before meeting the warden was nothing compared to the loneliness she felt now. With now no one to talk to anymore, Morrigan was once again left to her own thoughts. If she was lucky, the dog would search her out and keep her company for a time before returning to his master. 

As she wanders the castle in the evenings, she often spots Zevran making his way to the warden’s room. He does not say anything to her, or even glare. He regards her blankly, before continuing on to what Morrigan assumes is bedding her warden. No, not hers. She was never hers. Only for one night. 

Her blood boils beneath her skin at the sight of the two elves together at breakfast, at dinner, heading out into the city - but she doesn’t dare speak up. It is not her place to. When the dog is not at his masters side, Morrigan is able to find comfort in his company. He senses her distress and loneliness and is always eager to let her scratch behind his ears and talk to him. It is with the dog at her side one evening that she receives a visit from the one person she had least expected. 

“Morrigan."

Morrigan twists around from her place stood by the fire, the dog snoozing at her feet. She’d been reading at the time, still working on deciphering some of the minor details of Flemeth’s grimoire. The bright orange hair catches her eye first, and her heart flickers hopefully, before vanishing. It’s the bard, here to bother her no less. “Yes, Chantry sister? Can I help you?” She makes sure to sound as sarcastic as possible in hopes of putting the other woman off. However, Leliana seems on a mission.

Leliana attempts to speak, before pausing. Instead, she steps into the mage’s room, seating herself on the bed. She could at least stand, Morrigan internally grimaces. “I must speak with you. Urgently."

“So speak.” Morrigan says, still staring at the grimoire in her hands. 

Leliana huffs at her lack of interest, but continues anyway. “It’s about Kallian.” 

“Has the warden required my knowledge? Or perhaps more interesting company than you?” Her attempts at sarcasm come off as nothing more than desperate. Morrigan winces. 

“She has not been herself lately,” Leliana continues, not batting an eyelash. “Whatever happened between you two needs to be fixed."

“Nothing has happened between us."

“Ah yes, I’m sure,” Leliana deadpans. “I am aware that you two have… feelings for each other-"

“End that thought now, Bard."

“But ’tis correct, no? You cannot deny, Morrigan. I am almost certain that you two slept together the other night, no?"

“No, we did not."

“Liar."

“How is any of this your concern, may I ask? If I recall correctly, she got bored of you and swiftly moved onto the assassin. It seems she’d rather risk her life in the company of him than be anywhere near you.” She watches Leliana’s face for any trace of hurt, but Leliana is an expert poker face. Damn it.

“Kallian made her choice, and after time, I accepted it. Frankly, I think Zevran is a better fit for her than you could ever be,” Leliana answers, looking at her with disdain. 

“You avoided the question."

“Like you avoid the subject entirely."

“Speak your mind or leave. Or preferably, leave anyway. I care not for this chatter."

“It is my concern because I care for her. As her friend and trusted companion. I do not like seeing her in pain.” Leliana sighs, and the dog goes over to lick her hand.

Traitor, Morrigan thinks. 

“I do not think you like seeing her in pain either, Morrigan.” Leliana says. “So you should do something about this. You can’t leave everything up to the warden to fix, as much as everyone else likes to."

Morrigan dwells on her words for a few moments, before turning away. “Once again, this is none of your concern. Leave now, before I hex you with every curse under the sun."

“Your threats are getting worse. It’s like you’re not even trying anymore,” Leliana drawls as she gets to her feet, heading for the door. “Talk to Kallian. Fix it."

“Fix your thoughts, sister.” 

“Poor, very poor.” 

Morrigan growls as she shuts the door, groaning when she’s left alone with her dog companion once again. “Now they all care. Perfect."

She paces around her chambers for a little while, the dog at her heels, whining when she begins to mutter under her breath. Finally she retires to her bed, tossing and turning until the early hours of the morning. Finally, she abandons the notion of sleep, and gets to her feet. Thoughts of Kallian kept running through her mind, regardless of whether she wanted them to. She needed to see her, to talk to her - do something that meant they could be in one another’s company again. 

She eases her door open quietly, though it creaks anyway. As she steps out into the hall, she can see a dim light at the end of the corridor, spilling out from underneath the door. Kallian is still awake, it seems. Morrigan pauses when she realises this - suddenly, talking to Kallian seemed a lot scarier than it had done three minutes ago - but she takes a step forward, and heads towards her room. 

She stands at the warden’s door and takes a deep breath. As she raises her hand to knock, she hears the soft murmur of Kallian’s voice from inside.

“I was foolish to think I could be enough.” Her muffled words drifting through the wood. “I was foolish to think I could make her happy.”

“You are not to blame for her unhappiness,” Zevran’s voice carries too, and Morrigan straightens. Of course the elf was with her. She had been idiotic to think that Kallian would be alone at such an hour. “Whatever her problem is -“

“ _I’m_ the problem, Zev! She said it herself. She doesn’t want to be with _me._ I - I know she isn’t - hasn’t been with women before, but I thought - I thought, maybe…” When she says nothing more, Morrigan turns to leave. She hadn’t come to eavesdrop, and she didn’t intend to do it any further, especially when the conversation was about her. But then she hears the sob that follows, and her feet stay rooted to the ground. Her body was punishing her, forcing her to hear the cries she had inflicted upon the one she held so dear. She can only imagine the image on the other side of the door - Kallian, shoulders shaking as she cries, Zevran’s arms wrapped around her, as if he could protect her from any more of Morrigan’s harm. Morrigan’s guts twist inside of her, and she only just manages to swallow the lump in her throat. As the cries continue, seeping out into the hallway as they increase in volume, Morrigan’s feet unstick to the ground, and she carries herself back to her room. 

The dog’s head pops up as she enters, watching as she beelines towards her bed, all but throwing herself upon it. When she curls up into a ball, the dog gets to his feet, jumping up beside her and nestling at her side. She strokes his head as the tears fall silently down her cheek and across her nose, dripping into the sheets. _This was just the confirmation I needed to know that I did the right thing,_ She tells herself. _If I had let it go further, it would only be more painful than this._

She shoves her face against the dog and desperately hopes that the sounds coming from her throat are not audible outside her room. The warmth of the dog at her side brings back memories, quick flashes of waking up beside Kallian, kissing her goodnight, pushing her onto the bed - 

_What could be more painful than this?_ She thinks. As her tears finally slow, her eyes droop. The sounds from down the hallway have quietened, but Morrigan knows that the pain still remains. If it was anything like what she felt right now, it would take more than tears to ease it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love htis fic come yell at me about i t and also dragon age in general
> 
> also i should have probably named the dog by this point but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> also DA4 ANNOUNCEMENT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
> 
> twitter: @bleakzeke  
> tumblr: bleakzeke.tumblr.com


	5. unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan accompanies Kallian and the others on a mission. It does _not_ go well.
> 
> \-- TW for mentions of/and attempted sexual assault. --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just another warning before you read: this chapter does mention attempted sexual assault/attempted rape. if this is upsetting for you, skip this chapter. i'll put a note at the end of the chapter summarising it in case you do.

It’s a week later when the warden finally requests her for a mission. She’s stern and serious when she speaks to her, explaining the details of the mission and how long they should be gone, before mentioning that they'll leave after breakfast. Morrigan doesn’t fail to notice the dark circles under her eyes, or the stiff posture. Morrigan is quiet and polite, as much as Morrigan can possibly be; she lets out a breath when Kallian finally leaves her to get ready. 

She dresses as usual, before making her way to the rendezvous point. She hears Zevran before she sees him and groans internally. She supposed she should have expected him to be coming along. At his side is Wynne, who’s offering him a bemused expression as he flatters her with all his might. Once Wynne notices Morrigan’s approach, she looks over at her, and Morrigan tries to repel the natural guilt that builds up when Wynne turns her Mother’s Gaze onto her. 

Morrigan walks with them in silence; they chatter away as usual, happy enough to let her swirl in her own thoughts. She notices every now and then, the fleeting glances spared her way from the warden. Every turn of the head to talk to someone, her eyes will dance over to Morrigan, even for the smallest moment. Morrigan notices every time. She struggles to swallow around the lump in her throat. Kallian laughs at a joke, but it isn't as full as it usually is; a weak chuckle at most. Morrigan is 100% certain that she is the cause of the Warden’s mood, leaving her to wonder why she was even brought along. It wasn’t as if she was specifically required for this mission. As they scour over Denerim looking for a lost sacred necklace that belonged to a barmaid (Obviously Kallian was going to accept this mission, she thinks) she wonders why she even accepted to go along in the first place. Surely she knew that her presence beside the warden would sour the air. Yet she came anyway, because Kallian wanted her there. Even now, she still wanted to please her. Pathetic. She thinks to herself. What am I, some lovesick fool? 

They come across the warehouse where the barmaid said she last remembered wearing it. Pretty strange place for her to be, but no one seemed to have paid it any mind. Kallian was distracted by Morrigan, Zevran was distracted cheering her up, and Wynne was too busy sending Morrigan Looks whenever Kallian seemed particularly miffed. 

It should have come as no surprise to them that it ended up as a trap. A group of eight emerged from the shadows, pouncing as they reach the lower level. 

“Oh shit,” Kallian says, grabbing her daggers and swinging for the closest thug. Morrigan knocks out two before at least ten more appear behind them. _There’s too many of them_ , she thinks, noticing Kallian fighting off three at once. One of them knocks her down, kicking her, as the other two attempt to tie her arms and legs. She struggles, before managing to free an arm, slashing one of them across the face. He pulls back and shrieks in pain, but the other two keep going, securing her once more. One of the men whacks Morrigan while she’s distracted, forcing her into action. She freezes him in place before shattering him. When she looks back, the other two are dragging Kallian away, kicking and screaming. Zevran is fighting tooth and nail against five men, but still spares a glance in her direction. Her screams catch both her and Wynne’s attention, both stepping to action. 

“No, NO!” Kallian screams fearfully. “MORRIGAN!” 

Just as Morrigan casts a spell, she senses something is wrong. Half a second later, there’s a dagger in her back. Wynne is wacked over the head, knocking her out cold. Zevran has managed to slit the throats of two, but the other three overpower him, knocking him out too. Morrigan is Kallian’s last option of survival and she has a goddamn knife in her back. She whirls around, staff in hand, and smacks the attacker as hard as she can muster. Her anger forces her staff to light up with electricity and she shocks the life out of him. The adrenaline is rushing through her as she sends a bolt of fire across at Zevran’s capturers, setting them on fire. They run around like headless chickens before knocking into each other. Morrigan freezes Wynne’s capturer, before turning her attention back to the door they just took her warden through. She stumbles her way over, the pain rushing into her body. She grabs a health poultice and drinks it, knowing it won’t fully heal the damage - especially since the dagger is _still in her back -_ but it will at least give her some time. She tries to open the door, but it’s been locked. With all her rage, she doesn’t even bother to blow it up; she just rams her shoulder into it until it gives. The sight before her drains the few drops of mercy she had left to give. Kallian’s armour was being shredded, her underclothes torn. The tears streaming down her face. The two men look up as Morrigan appears.

“You despicable parasites,” She snarls, forcing her staff into the closest man’s face. With one blast, his head comes clean off. The other one springs up and cowers away from her. “You have the gaul to cower after what you just did? Just for you, I’ll let you suffer.” She casts a poisoning spell and he drops the ground, clutching his chest. He screeches in agony as his mouth begins to froth and Morrigan steps closer, kneeling down in front of him. “Don’t make a sound, or I’ll make it worse.” She rushes over to Kallian, who’s shocked silent. Tears in her eyes, she watches Morrigan as she reaches forward to untie her. Her arms fall down to her sides and she holds herself. Morrigan wishes with every particle of her being that she could reach out and comfort her. Kallian reaches for Morrigan, and then stops herself; dropping her head. 

“Kallian,” Morrigan says. Kallian’s shoulders begin to shake, and Morrigan feels her heart break in two as she hears the small racked sobs. How many times must she bear witness to Kallian’s tears? Each one broke her down a little more, forcing the wall she had created between them to crumble. Before, she had felt like there were two paths she could follow: remain distance from her, making it easier to leave; or give in, and risk the heart break later on. At this point, she knew she had no choice in the matter anymore. She reaches forward, pulling Kallian in for a hug. Kalli latches on stronger than anyone who has ever hugged Morrigan before, startling her momentarily. She relaxes into it soon enough. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” The remaining thug has started gargling his own blood, which irritates Morrigan. She grabs her staff once more, and ends him. “Now it’s okay."

Kallian doesn’t speak, she just holds on for dear life. Morrigan doesn’t even try to pull away, even when the others regain consciousness and wander over. 

“Kalli,” Zevran gasps, coming forward. Kallian pulls back hearing Zevran and Wynne enter, attempting to regain some composure. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” She croaks, “I’m - I’m good. Let’s just get out of here, okay?” 

“Knife!” Wynne says, pointing at Morrigan’s back. 

“Oh yes,” Morrigan says, reaching back to pull it out. She bites down her lip at the pain that floods through her, but Wynne’s healing powers are quick to work, and she feels the gash close. Not perfect, but enough for now. Kallian stares up at Morrigan for a moment, eyes wide.

They make their way back to the Arl’s estate in silence, Morrigan not taking her eyes off of Kallian for a second. She shuffles along beside her, refusing to meet anyone’s eye. 

Alistair greets them as they enter. “Hey, how did it go? Did you find it?” He asks, eating a sandwich. Kallian doesn’t even look up. She heads straight to her room and closes the door behind her. Alistair frowns. “What happened?” He directs at the other three. 

“There was no necklace. It was an ambush,” Zevran sighs in exasperation. “I was foolish not to see it sooner. Before we knew it, we were surrounded by at least 20 men.” 

“Crap, that didn’t go well I imagine. But you’re all still alive! That’s good, right?” 

“Barely,” Morrigan says. She suddenly remembers she was stabbed, and checks the wound. It had closed up with the use of the health poultice and Wynne’s quick heal, but the damage was still there beneath the surface. “I should probably deal with my wound.”

“Let me,” Wynne says, taking her by the arm before she can decline. 

“I can do it myself,” Morrigan huffs.

“Let me do this, please.” Wynne tells her once more. Morrigan reluctantly complies.

“So why is Kallian upset?” Alistair probes further. None of them want to answer.

The silence was making her skin crawl. “They tied her up,” Morrigan supplies. “And attempted to do further. I did not let them get that far.”

“Oh,” Alistair says as it dawns on him. The uncomfortable silence sits between them all. “What happened to the attackers?”

“All dead,” Morrigan replies.

“Good.” Alistair’s voice is harder than Morrigan’s ever heard it. He leaves the room, wrapped up in his own thoughts. Zevran paces back and forth past the fireplace, his face pinched in worry. Morrigan feels the same. She desperately wants to go and talk to Kallian. What if I make it worse? 

Zevran seems to be having the same dilemma. Finally, he stops pacing and turns to her. “You should talk to her.”

“I doubt she would appreciate that right now,” Morrigan responds.

“I know things are strained at the moment, but she needs someone.” There’s a small frown on his face, and a restlessness that won’t leave him. Morrigan can tell he wants to be the one, but regardless, says, "I think it should be you."

Morrigan sighs. "It will only complicate things further-" 

“Listen to me.” Zevran commands. "Whatever your reason is for breaking her heart, I know her well enough to know what she needs right now and it is you." 

Morrigan nods, defeatedly. She makes her way to the warden's room, standing hesitantly outside her door. She suddenly remembers the last time she was here, listening to Kallian cry through the door. This time, it’s completely silent. She lightly wraps her knuckles on the door. 

There's a pause, and then a quiet, “Who is it?"

“It’s me," she replies. 

Another pause, and then: "Come in."

Morrigan pushes open the door, surprised to see how dark the room was. The candles had been blown out and the fireplace distinguished. In the middle of the bed, Kallian laid wrapped up in blankets. Morrigan had never seen her look so small before. She had never been especially tall in stature to begin with, but her personality was big enough to replace it. Now, she seemed tiny. Morrigan cast a small fire spell, sending it to the fireplace. It immediately ignites once more, lighting and warming the room. She walks over to the bed. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"I'm fine," Kallian replies, monotonous. "It's not a big deal. I bet everyone is acting like it's a big deal, but it's not. It's fine." 

"Are you sure about that? Because you've been lying in the dark for hours."

"Maybe I was napping." 

"Were you?" 

Kallian sighed. “No."

She sits up in bed, the blankets pooling around her waist. Morrigan sits on the bed beside her. "When I was kidnapped before, back at the alienage," Kallian starts, "I found my cousin Shianni as that dirtbag was about to rape her. I was furious. I murdered him right there and then. I thought, “Thank the Maker I got here before anything happened," but what had happened was already bad enough. Shianni kept going, but I know it still weighs on her mind from what her letters say. I thought, she shouldn't be worried about this. He's dead, I killed him. I made sure of it. But now..." 

"Now?" Morrigan prompts, softly. 

"I can't stop thinking about how I could have gotten out of it. If I hadn't dropped my dagger, or if I'd noticed that it was a bloody ambush from the start. I was so caught up in..." Kallian glances at her and then looks away. "I can't help but feel... Humiliated. Like _I'm_ the one who should have stopped it. And I couldn't. I couldn't do anything."

"You shouldn’t have had to stop it," Morrigan tells her, "They never should have started." 

Kallian looks up at her, looking more lost than Morrigan has ever seen her. In fact, before now, she had gone into every situation with a grin, every battle with neverending confidence. Nothing had shaken her since she became a warden, until now. Morrigan wants nothing more than to scoop her up into her arms and hold her for eternity. Before she could argue with herself over how bad of an idea that was, Kallian leans forward and kisses her. Morrigan doesn't even attempt to pull back; she slides a hand into Kallian's hair, kissing her back. Kallian doesn't pull away even for a second, and neither does she - as if it might break the spell they've been put under. Kallian's pulling her further into the bed, under the covers, until Morrigan knows it's too far gone for her to stop. Just enjoy it. Be with her and be happy for just one moment. 

As Kallian becomes more and more urgent, Morrigan knows she has to ask. "Are you certain this is…okay? After what happened -"

"It's fine," Kallian says between kisses.

“Kallian-“

“Yes?”

“I think this should slow down.”

Kallian freezes. Morrigan spots a hundred thoughts pass her mind. “Right,” she replies quietly. She removes herself, curling back up on the other side of the bed. 

Morrigan knows this is when she should leave. She should walk out right now, leave Zevran to pick up the pieces. 

But she doesn’t. Instead, she slides up behind her and wraps an arm around her waist, her nose brushing against the back of the warden's neck. Kallian tenses at first, not expecting it. After a moment, she relaxes into it, holding on tightly to Morrigan’s hand. 

If that hadn’t utterly screwed Morrigan’s plan of ‘Getting Out of Here Feelings Free’, then what she says next is the the final straw disappearing.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter summary:  
> kallian asks morrigan to accompany her on a mission. the group are distracted by the recent drama between the two, and fail to notice the ambush awaiting them. wynne is knocked out instantly, zevran takes on five men, leaving morrigan to notice the three men attacking kallian. morrigan goes to help, but is stabbed in the back. kallian is taken into the next room, while morrigan takes out the other men, and goes after her. she takes down kallian's attackers, making one of them suffer, before untying kallian and comforting her.
> 
> they get back to the castle where alistair greets them and asks about the mission. kallian goes to her room immediately. wynne heals morrigan and her and zev argue over who should comfort kallian. morrigan goes to her and they talk about what happened, with reference to shianni's experience. kallian kisses morrigan, and morrigan doesn't pull away until it gets too heated. kallian, feeling rejected, curls up away from her. morrigan wraps around her protectively and tells her "I'm not going anywhere."
> 
>  
> 
> hope everyone takes this chapter ok, if u want to drop me a message abt it or need more detail of the chapter w/o reading it, you can message me here:
> 
> twitter: @bleakzeke  
> tumblr: bleakzeke.tumblr.com
> 
> x


	6. unconditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang visits kallian's alienage.

“Let’s go, let’s go!” Kallian yells from the foyer. “Get a move on, people!” 

Alistair jogs over, huffing. “Okay, okay! Someone’s bossy today.” 

“I’m not  _ bossy, _ I just wanna get going! I wanna see my family!” She jumps from foot to foot in place, eagerly awaiting their quest. “Come on Zevran!” 

Zevran yells a muffled response from his room. 

“You look like you need the toilet when you do that,” Alistair comments. 

Kallian continues her movement. “I’ll pee when I get there,” she says, before running off to Zevran’s room. There is the sound of a scuffle, and Zevran yelping. 

“For the love of Andraste,” Alistair sighs. 

The two of them reappear, with Kallian all but dragging the other elf into the room as he continues to button his shirt. “Now we just need Morrigan. Morrigaaaan?!” She yells, just as Morrigan appears behind her. She flinches from the loudness, cupping a hand over the Warden’s mouth before she can call again. 

“You need not call so loudly, everyone within a 10 mile radius can hear you.”

“It’s so small, you’d think it would have the volume range of a mouse,” Shale mutters, wandering past. 

“I’ve been a mouse and trust me, I was still this loud.” Kallian grins. “Shale, are you coming with us?”

Shale hums. “One did not plan to, but if it requires me.”

“Nah, you good,” Kallian grins, patting Shale’s arm. “I know you’ll just complain the whole time.”

“Correct,” Shale deadpans, before wandering off to the courtyard.

“Anyone else?” Kallian asks, looking around.

“Wynne’s not coming, she needs to rest. Oghren is already drunk, so count him out… I haven’t seen Sten in hours, so I assume he’s busy.” Alistair hums. “Leliana told me she was busy, but wouldn’t expand on what she was up to.”

“Right then… So just us four, huh?” Kallian grins at the three of them. The dog barks at them, and Kallian leans down to stroke his head. “Not today, boy. You need to keep Wynne company, alright?” The dog whines, before giving a short bark of acceptance and wandering off to Wynne’s room. 

“Well then,” Zevran says, sliding his daggers into place securely. “Shall we go?”

“Maker yes!” Kallian cheers, running off. “Come on, come on!” 

“Honestly, it is too early for this much energy,” Zevran sighs. 

Kallian comes dashing back, stopping to catch her breath. “Guys, usually when someone runs, other people follow them.”

“You just ran about 10 meters and then came back, should we have followed that?” Morrigan says, raising an eyebrow.

“No!” Kallian frowns, before groaning. “You guys suck. Let’s just go.”

They’re walking through Denerim and approaching the gate when Kallian talks up again. “You guys are going to love my family, they’re the best - well, most of the time anyway, they’re still family, you know?” She rambles on and on, grinning all the way.

The smile on her face as she talks slowly slips away as they walk through the Alienage, the place eerily quiet. There’s elves littered around, coughing and spluttering, groaning into the ground that they lay on. Kallian pales the further they go in, the place where they grew up turning into a graveyard. “What happened here?” She mutters, her companions sending her concerned glances. “Where is everyone?”

It’s not long before they finally reach the Vhenadahl tree that they find the villagers. In the large crowd that had formed, the familiar red hair of the Tabris family gave away Shianni straight away. She’s arguing with someone, and as Kallian approaches, she overhears them discussing the missing elves and the Tevinter healers. When Kallian steps into her line of sight, Shianni freezes, her mouth dropping open.

“Cousin!” She says, wrapping Kallian in a hug. Kallian hugs her back twice as hard, smiling into her shoulder. “I can’t believe it! They told us all the grey wardens were killed at Ostagar - Valendrian held a funeral for you, you know.”

“Sweet,” Kallian says, pulling back to look at her. “Did anyone cry?”

“Obviously! We thought you were dead!”

“Well, I’m alive. What’s going on here? What happened?”

“You really don’t know?” Shianni says, before realising. “Of course you don’t. Cousin, you have no idea… The things that happened after your wedding… Maker, I’m so happy to see you!”

“I’m happy to see you too,” Kallian smiles warmly. “Where’s Soris? And father? I need to kick Soris’ butt.”

Shianni’s smile fades. “Soris should be at your house. He’s had to keep to himself since the Arl Howe’s guards took over the alienage. A lot of people blame him for it, can you believe that? They blamed  _ him  _ for Howe’s purge. The problems don’t end there; those Tevinter ‘healers’ showed up and have been taking elves into quarantine, sick or not. They’ve taken Valendrian, they - they took your father yesterday, I  _ told  _ him, Kalli, I told him not to go. Not one elf that’s been taken has come out again.” 

“Shit,” Kallian mutters, absorbing the information. “And this sickness? What’s the deal?”

“They  _ say _ it came from the Blight. People fleeing the darkspawn brought it with them. After refugees arrived, people got sick and these Tevinter vultures started circling, taking people out of the alienage few at a time.”

“Sounds sketchy,” Kallian comments. “We’ll look into it Shianni, don’t worry.”

“I knew you’d help, Cousin!” Shianni says, positively beaming. “Let me know what you find out, okay?”

“I will. I’m gonna check in with Soris and then I’ll get onto this,” Kallian tells her.

“Good luck!”

They wander around the alienage in the direction of Kallian’s house, the four of them suspiciously quiet. Kallian notes their strange silence, choosing not to press. She has more important things to deal with right now, and maybe the possible outcome to this situation was weighing on the others minds too. 

She doesn’t bother knocking when she arrives, silently opening the door she knew would be unlocked (Soris needed a stern reminder, it seems) noticing her cousin sat by the fireplace. He startles at the sound, looking up to see Kallian as she and her group trails inside. 

“Cousin?” Soris says in surprise, getting to his feet. “Welcome home!” 

He wraps her in a quick hug, stepping back to look at her. “I can’t believe - we all thought, you know, at Ostagar -”

“That I was dead?” Kallian finishes. “Yeah, Shianni told me you cried.”

“I - Of course I did! I thought you were dead!” He stammers, frowning at her smug expression. 

“Shianni told you were holed up in here,” Kallian says, taking a seat. The others hover while they talk, some curiously searching the small hovel which their warden leader had grown up in. “Sorry I got you mixed up in my mess.”

“Don’t be,” Soris says, shaking his head. “If we hadn’t done what we had, we’d be worse off. It’s just a shame the others don’t see it that way,” he sighs. 

“Where’s Valora?” Kallian says, looking around. “Shouldn’t she be here?”

“They took her into the hospice a week ago. They said she had the plague but she was fine! Anyone could see she was fine. But they took her, and I haven’t seen her since.” 

“Seems there's a lot of that going around,” Kallian grumbles. “This isn’t good. I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.”

“I’m guessing Shianni told you about your father.”

Kallian nods. “I’m going to get him back. Valora, Valendrian, my father, everyone else they’ve taken.” She gets to her feet, glancing around the place once more. “Soris.”

“Yeah?”

“Remember to lock the door, dummy.”

“I’m not a -” Soris huffs, folding his arms. “Always good to see you, Cousin.” 

Kallian grins, heading off with a wave.

The strange silence between the group is still there as they return to the streets, and it’s making Kallian’s skin itch. She can feel three pairs of eyes staring holes into the back of her head, and it’s beginning to throw her off. She stops by the Vhenadahl tree, turning to face them all. 

“Okay,” she starts. “What’s the deal, here?”

“Wedding,” the three of them seem to say in unison, before looking at each other in surprise. 

Kallian rolls her eyes. She supposes she has never brought it up with them before. It isn’t the most pleasant of memories for her to recall. “I was betrothed, it didn’t end well, the end. Questions?”

“Many,” Zevran says. “So you have a secretive side after all.”

“Hardly,” Kallian scoffs. “It’s a traditional thing. I didn’t even want to get married.”

“So you left him at the altar?” Alistair asks.

“No,” Kallian says, eyes glued the tree. “Some human nobles crashed the wedding, took me and some other elves hostage. I killed plenty of guards and the Arl’s son trying to get us all to safety. That pig even tried to bribe me for -” She breathes in sharply, looking at her feet, clenching and unclenching her fists. “Anyway, I had to be punished, so Duncan conscripted me. Ta-da. Let’s go.”

They keep walking, the silence settling once more but quick to be broken. “What happened to your betrothed?” Morrigan asks, out of the blue.

“He died trying to rescue us,” Kallian says. “He was - a nice guy. I never really gave him much of a break when we met - I was so against being married off to someone - but he was always nice to me, regardless of what I said.”

“So you didn’t… Care for him?” Alistair presses.

“Not particularly, no.” Kallian replies. “Can we focus on what’s at stake? Or do you guys want to sit here and go through an itemised list of everything I did before I met you all?”

“We’ll focus,” Zevran replies, the other two nodding, noncommittally. After a minute of silence, Zevran asks, “Did you wear a white dress?”

“It was a wedding, what do you think?” Kallian says, rolling her eyes.

“I’m just trying to imagine you in a dress, that’s all.” 

“It’s been known to happen. Usually against my will.”

They make their way back over to the makeshift hospice, watching the Tevinters as they attempt to control the crowd, ignoring any serious questions thrown their way.

“What’s the plan here, Kallian?” Alistair says, as they move through the crowd.

One of the Tevinters spots Kallian as she heads closer, and tuts, shaking his head. “Hessarian’s mercy! How long have you been ill, woman? You should have come here days ago!”

Kallian frowns, ready to argue, before an idea pops into her head. She coughs into her hand, faking illness. “Help me, please.”

“Come this way. The rest of you stay back, only the sick are permitted inside,” The other Tevinter guard says, glaring at Kallian’s companions. She glances back at them as one of them takes her inside, tilting her head to the right and winking. She hopes it’s enough for them to catch her drift. If they didn’t, she’d need to have some words with them later about signalling. 

She keeps her eye out as they enter, looking for the elves and her father, as well as trying to find a quick exit. 

“Another one for ya,” The guard says as they arrive in the foyer, another guard sat at a table, detailing everyone who enters. He frowns up at Kallian, squinting a little.

“Hey, aren’t you the grey warden the regent’s looking fo-” With quick and practiced actions, Kallian slides the dagger from its place on her back, throwing it through it the air and watching it stick into the guard’s chest. She slides the other dagger out while the other guard stalls, still in shock - just enough time for her to slit his throat. She grabs the paper, wiping the droplets of blood that smeared it. C, C, C… Cyrion. He was still here, waiting to be shipped off. Kallian briefly thanks the Maker before grabbing her daggers and pressing against the door, listening out to try and figure out how many more she’d have to take down. She can’t quite make it out, but there’s at least 3 different sets of footsteps, and she hopes with all her might that’s all there is. She throws the door open, spotting a guard immediately. 

She throws a dagger, hoping for the accuracy she’d managed before, and it lands on his foot, chopping off his toes. He screams in agony, and Kallian imagines that’s enough to keep him distracted for the moment. There’s two more in the room, so she runs towards one as he pulls out his staff, preparing an attack. Kallian moves faster, sliding down between his legs and stabbing him in the back of his knees. He buckles instantly and she rolls over, up on her feet, sliding a dagger through his throat with ease. She turns just in time for the other guard to attack, sword raised, but she defends with her own dagger, the metal clashing together harshly. Kallian takes a few steps back, aware once more of the toeless guard inching in. As the two of them strike, Kallian steps to the side at the last second, throwing the guards together and effectively gutting one another. 

Kallian grabs her other dagger from the disembodied toes, noticing for the first time the group of caged elves in the corner. They stare at her, wide-eyed, before cheering. She grins at them, heading their way before their smiles all drop, and they scream. “BEHIND YOU!”

If only she’d been a second faster. The blade catches her shoulder, digging in deep; Kallian yells in pain, swirling around to stick a dagger into the guard’s chest. The guard drops his sword, and Kallian twists the dagger deeper, before shoving him back. He falls to the floor as the blood blossoms out around him. “Fuck,” Kallian curses, adrenaline slipping away second by second as the pain comes to the front of her mind. 

“Help us!” The elves say, as a reminder. Kallian nods, cradling her shoulder as she makes her way over. The locks are tiresome, but she eventually gets them undone, and the elves rush out, thanking her before running to the door. One elf pauses to speak.

“Thank you. I knew the things they said about you weren’t true.”

“What did they say about me?” Kallian asks through gritted teeth.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s obviously not true. You’re here helping your people, aren’t you?” He says.

“You should get out of here.” Kallian leans on the cage for support. He gives a short nod before following the rest of the elves out. Kallian drops to the ground, still pressing against her shoulder. The pain is only getting more unbearable. She tugs a health poultice from her belt and flinches in pain. The poultice tumbles from her fingers, smashing onto the floor. “Fuck!” Kallian yells. “Where are those guys?”

Heart beat thrumming in her head, she fights back the headache, resting her head against the wall. Her eyes slip shut of her own accord, and she tries futilely to open them. The noise gets louder, and she suddenly recognises them for what they are: footsteps, and approaching fast. She throws her eyes open, pulling her hand away to try and check the damage; the blood flows faster as the pressure is released, and Kallian balks. She grips it tightly, and tries to get to her feet. She stumbles, the dizziness overtaking her, but manages to stabilise enough to grab a dagger with her spare hand. Every movement is agony to her shoulder, but she bares it, relieved when the daggers finally in position. The door slams open and a guard spots her, pulling his staff from his back. Kallian grits her teeth, and dashes forward with all the strength she has left. She trips over one of the strewn bodies, colliding with the floor and landing on her injured shoulder. She yelps in pain, looking up in time to see the mage as he begins to strike - only to knocked out seconds later, tumbling to the floor. Alistair walks over him, and Kallian sighs in relief. 

“About fuckin’ time,” Kallian says, dropping her dagger and rolling onto her back. 

“Kalli!” Alistair shouts in concern, dashing over. “Are you alright?”

“Morrigan,” Kallian breathes. “Where is -”

“I’m here,” Morrigan says, rushing to her side. Her face swims into view and Kallian struggles to focus on it. “Your  _ shoulder -” _

“Do something,” Kallian groans. 

“We should take you to Wynne, I am no healer -”

“Just shove a health potion on it - she’s bleeding out.” Zevran says, worriedly, pulling a bottle from his belt. “Let’s get her to safety -”

“No!” Kallian yells, waving her uninjured arm wildly. “We can’t go - my father is still here!” As Morrigan pours the potion over the wound, the blood finally begins to clot, the skin closes over it, but the wound very much still there. Kallian gulps the remaining drops of the potion, gagging at the taste, and drops the bottle. “Help me up,” she grunts out. 

“Kallian, you cannot be serious,” Morrigan scowls. “There are plenty more guards to come. You are in no state to fight.”

“Then just keep me alive until we find him!” Kallian says, reaching for her dagger. She motions for them to raise her, and Alistair and Zevran exchange a concerned look before giving in and following her orders. They raise her up and she stumbles about, her arm clutched to her front. She feels a lot better from the potion, but she’d still lost plenty of blood before her friends had got there. “Let’s go.” 

She strides forward, her companions watching her warily as if she may fall at any moment. She pushes through door after door, coming across the various unconscious or dead guards the others had taken down, until she finally comes across a dimly lit room with a cage, a single person residing inside. 

“Father!” Kallian says, rushing over. He looks up as they enter, a smile breaking out across his face. Cyrion gets up from the floor to greet her as she unlocks the door.

“My little girl… I didn’t think I’d see you again,” He says, pulling her into a hug. She hugs back, half relying on him to keep herself upright. “When they said the grey wardens had died at Ostagar, I prayed they were wrong. What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you, of course,” Kallian smiles giddily. 

Cyrion pulls back and looks at his daughter; her blood-soaked armour, her pale skin increased from the blood loss, and the relentless grin on her face. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re so much like your mother.” 

“You think so?” Kallian replies, voice quiet, as though not quite believing.

“She’d be… Well, ‘proud’ doesn’t really describe it.” 

Kallian beams at him, before they hear a thud down the hall. “You should get out of here, father. I’ll come see you when we’re done here.”

“Be safe my child,” Cyrion says, pressing a kiss to her head. He heads out the way they came, and they follow suit, heading in the direction of the noise. 

“Kallian,” Morrigan says. “You cannot fight in this condition. I insist that you go back to the castle.”

“Someone’s gotta finish this,” Kallian hisses. “We can’t half-ass this. These assholes think they can come into my home and sell us into slavery? Not gonna fuckin’ happen.” Kallian rests as they reach what seems to be the last door between them and their enemy, leaning against the wall for a second. “Anyone got a spare health potion?”

Alistair drops one into her hand wordlessly, the three of them wincing in horror as she downs the entire thing. 

“You really aren’t supposed to drink those -” Alistair starts, but Kallian kicks the door open and dashes through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since i've uploaded, despite having almost all of this fic written. i've just been stuck on this chapter and the next! once they're complete, i'll probably just upload the rest. hope u enjoy !


	7. unconventional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's A Tabris Family Reunion Episode!

They burst out of the exit, each of them exhausted. After dealing with some particularly cocky Tevinters who assumed the bunch of them could be bought off and consequently ended up with four daggers in his back, the group made their way back to the castle, Wynne rushing to Kallian’s side as she drops to the floor the moment she steps inside. 

She wakes up a while later, in her own chambers. The sky is a lot darker, and she startles as she sits up. She needs to tell her family she’s okay, tell them she dealt with the Tevinters - her clothes are nowhere to be seen, only her nightwear which she’s somehow wearing. As she wonders who dressed her in her sleep, the door opens and Morrigan slips inside. “Oh,” she says, spotting Kallian in bed. “You have awoken. How are you feeling?”

“Like horseshit,” Kallian croaks. She clears her throat, reaching for the chalice of water on the bedside table. “Maker. How long have I been asleep?”

“About ten hours. You passed out the second we passed through the threshold.” Morrigan answers, closing the door behind her and approaching the bed, sitting at the end of it.

“Crap,” Kallian sighs. “I need to talk to my family, they probably think I’m dead again -”

“I would not worry, if I were you. Zevran went to inform them once we returned. You can see them tomorrow, but for now you should rest.”

“I just slept for ten hours, I’m good.” Kallian says, stretching out her arms. She winces immediately, her shoulder still tender. 

“Sure about that?” Morrigan smirks. 

“Fine, a little less than good,” Kallian says with an eye-roll. “But I  _ have  _ got a lot of energy now. Any ideas what we could put that towards?” She asks, a glint in her eye as she crawls closer to Morrigan.

Morrigan pushes her back with a finger until she’s all the way laying down, Morrigan looming above her. “Well, if you insist on causing more damage to that injury of yours -” She kisses down Kallian’s neck, sliding her shirt down as she goes. “I may be inclined to prevent you from doing so. By any means necessary.” 

Kallian bites her lip, feeling warmer by every kiss, craving every touch. “Well, pull out the big cannons, because I’m not going down without a fight,” she says, sighing as Morrigan’s lips brush against her nipple. 

“You have made that abundantly clear,” Morrigan replies, smiling against the elf’s skin. Her teeth graze against the sensitive skin as she talks, and Kallian shivers from the touch. “Though I think I can make you surrender.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Kallian says, watching her lustfully.

Morrigan doesn’t reply and simply slides further down the bed, until she lays between Kallian’s legs. Kallian tries to act like she isn’t blushing, but she can’t help it. Morrigan has never done this to her before, let alone offered to. Kallian had never minded, but now it was happening, she couldn’t help but feel like it was the first time all over again. Morrigan wastes no time in sliding the loose linen trousers off, throwing them aside. Kallian feels the breeze on her lower half and represses a shudder. Morrigan presses her tongue against her, and Kallian gives a sharp intake of breath. 

Before the fun can even begin, the door swings open, Alistair standing there with a tray of food in his hands which he promptly drops upon seeing the two of them. 

“Ah!” Alistair says, immediately covering his eyes. “Oh Maker. Andraste’s... I - I’m sorry -”

“Does no one knock anymore?” Kallian huffs, Morrigan sitting up to hide her lower half. “Alistair -”

“Yep, I’m going,” He says, leaving as soon as he had arrived. He bumps into the door, still not looking where he’s going, before finally finding the exit. The door slams shut once more, and Kallian and Morrigan glance at each other, before bursting into laughter. 

“His face,” Kallian says, between giggles. “I may have just scarred him with my vagina.”

“Or possibly the particularly irritated glare I gave him when he interrupted,” Morrigan smirks, a glint in her eyes. “It’ll surely give him nightmares for years to come.”

“I should probably talk to him,” Kallian says, attempting to get to her feet, but Morrigan gently pushes her back. 

“Excuse me?” She asks, in that tittlingly light tone of hers, the one that borders the line between condescension and sweetness. It is admittedly, Kallian’s favourite tone of hers. “I do not think we are finished here. Or did you somehow believe an interruption would deter me?”

“I mean,” Kallian says, watching her through half-lidded eyes as Morrigan’s fingers brush up the insides of her thighs. “Who knows? You can be quite elusive, Morrigan. Maybe you can’t handle it.”

Morrigan snorts. “You think me prudish?” 

Kallian shrugs, offhandedly, a lazy smile in place. “You tell me.” 

“I intend to,” Morrigan murmurs against the skin of her pale thighs, sucking marks into the skin as she moves up. Morrigan finds this to be one of her favourite things about Kallian; her incessant need to make everything into a game, or a competition, goading Morrigan when she can, as if Morrigan can not see through her transparent attempts at flirting. Kallian simply likes how competitive Morrigan gets without realising it.

As their relationship expands day by day as they learn more about one another, Morrigan finds herself falling deeper and deeper into the hole she’d created, as if without realising. A tiny part of her mind always remembers, and pops up occasionally to remind her, setting her up for a bad mood for the day. But all it takes is Kallian’s arms around her waist, a cheeky grin as she tells her about a prank she played on Leliana and Alistair, and Morrigan is lost once more to the waves of Kallian. She doesn’t want to reach shore, to leave Kallian behind, to hurt her - so she does what she thinks is best, and ignores it. 

 

It’s harder to ignore your blossoming relationship when you’re about to meet your lover’s family properly, Morrigan learns the next morning as Kallian wanders around her chambers, chattering excitedly as she gets dressed. She wastes no time waiting around, wandering to the dining room as she’s still pulling her shirt down. Morrigan follows after her, suspiciously quiet she’d have assumed, but Kallian’s rambling seems to have distracted her enough not to notice. Wynne is already in the dining hall when they arrive, reading a book as she eats, and smiles as she sees the way Kallian tucks into her food immediately, chewing down as fast as she can. 

“You’re going to get indigestion if you keep that up,” she comments, turning the page. 

“I’lf be fyb,” Kallian replies, continuing to stuff her face. Warden appetite and all.

Zevran enters a few minutes later, chatting to Alistair as they enter. Alistair freezes upon seeing the couple at the table, making Zevran roll his eyes.

“Alistair, you need not be afraid,” he says, pushing him forward. “She is still our fearless leader, no?”

Alistair’s face turns bright red as they finally take seats across from them, Alistair refusing to look at them directly. 

“Hey Alistair,” Kallian starts, raising an eyebrow. “You alright there?”

“Mhmm,” Alistair says, before piling up his plate. 

“You can relax, you know. You are far from the first man who’s seen it,” Kallian says, before taking a sip of her drink.

Alistair chokes on his food. 

“What’s all this about?” Wynne asks in intrigue, decidedly putting her book down. 

“Alistair walked in on us,” Kallian says, shrugging. Alistair shrinks in his seat. “It’s no biggie. I mean, Leliana, Zevran, Morrigan - they’ve all seen it.” 

“An excellent one it is too,” Zevran compliments. Morrigan stares at him. “What? Am I wrong?”

“No,” Morrigan replies, staring at her food, poking it around her plate. “You are not.”

“Can we  _ stop,”  _ Alistair says, red as a tomato, “Talking. About. This.”

“Fine,” Kallian says, swiftly changing the subject. “Who’s coming to meet my family?”

“I’ll come along. Shianni is a charming woman, and what I would give to hear ridiculous stories from your childhood,” Zevran says. 

“I wouldn’t mind seeing where you grew up,” Leliana chips in. 

Kallian grins at them and turns to Morrigan. “Any input here?”

“I presumed I was already coming along,” Morrigan responds. 

“Excellent. Alistair, you’re off the hook. Let’s get going gang,” Kallian says, jumping up from her seat. 

“Now? We’ve only just had breakfast,” Leliana says.

“Sooner the better!” Kallian yells as she dashes from the room to put on her armour. “5 minutes, the lot of you.” Leliana and Zevran get to their feet too, off to get ready.

Morrigan, who doesn’t bother with armour and probably never will, remains where she sat. She’s grateful for the brief interlude to collect her thoughts before meeting Kallian’s family properly. Unfortunately for her, Wynne loves to meddle. 

“So, meeting the family?” Wynne comments, looking back at her book. “That’s quite a big step.”

“She has already met and murdered my mother. It seems quite small in comparison.” Morrigan replies, staring at the older woman blankly.

Wynne gives her a knowing look. “No matter how small, it’s still a step forward.” she replies. “Are you ready for that?”

“It is no concern of yours,” Morrigan replies bitingly.

“So no, then.”

“Silence, old woman.”

“You’ll do just fine,” Wynne says reassuringly, well accustomed to Morrigan’s rudeness at this point. 

Kallian appears in the doorway, Zevran and Leliana at her side, and sends a smile their way. “Ready?” 

Morrigan gulps, and gets to her feet. Wynne sends her a nod as she leaves.

  
  


“Cousin!” Shianni squeals, hugging Kallian seconds after opening the front door. 

“It’s about time,” Soris says, coming up behind her. “We heard what happened. I can’t  _ believe  _ you did that. Well, actually, I can, but -”

“Shut up Soris,” Kallian says, pulling him into a hug as Shianni releases her, before pulling his head into a headlock and giving him a firm but swift noogie. Morrigan, Zevran and Leliana trail in behind the warden, closing the door after them. Kallian’s cousins lead them over by the fire, where Cyrion sits reading. 

“Ah, Kallian!” He says, putting his book aside. “Thank goodness you’re in one piece.” 

“You too, father.” Kallian grins, leaning down to give him a half hug. “Let me introduce you guys to my companions - this is Leliana, Zevran and Morrigan. Morrigan and Zevran actually helped me out yesterday, along with Alistair, but he couldn’t make it today.”

“Pleasure to meet you all,” Shianni says, nodding at them. Morrigan nods back. “We met Zevran yesterday. He was  _ very _ nice about it all.” Shianni comments.

“I try my best,” Zevran smirks. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Leliana says, eyes wandering around the house. “You have a lovely home. I have often wondered about Kallian’s life before the wardens.”

“She was plenty trouble before the wardens, let me tell you,” Soris says. Kallian wacks him on the arm. “Ow!”

“Snitches get stitches, Soris.” Kallian says, before wandering over to her old bedroom. “You guys didn’t touch my room, did you?”

“I slept in your bed, but that’s it.” Soris replies, following after her. “What are you looking for?”

Kallian gets down onto the floor, shuffling under the bed. “Gimme a second.” She shoves a few things aside - most notably her blood-stained wedding dress, crumpled up into a ball - before she finally finds what she’s looking for. “Here we go.” She slides back out from the bed, a large bottle of whiskey in hand. 

“You had  _ that _ under your bed?” Soris stares in bewilderment. “Remind me to look through your stuff when you leave.”

“Don’t you dare, or you’re not getting any of this.”

“How will you know? I’ll have already drunk it.”

“I was gonna leave you what’s left over, but if you wanna do it this way -”

“Wait! Fine, I won’t.”

“It’s too easy,” She sighs happily, shaking her head. They wander back to the fireplace, where Zevran is chatting animatedly with Cyrion about the alienage, while Leliana appears to be complimenting Shianni on her braided hair. “I got the goods.” Kallian says, slamming the bottle down as she takes a seat.

Cyrion takes one look at the bottle and huffs. “Sometimes I wonder if you inherited everything from your mother and nothing from me.”

“I’m sure I inherited plenty from you,” Kallian replies, pulling the cork out with her teeth. “Like… I’m frugal, aren’t I? Kept this hidden for years. How’s that for saving money?”

“Pass me the bottle.” Cyrion replies. 

“It’s barely noon,” Morrigan comments, raising an eyebrow. “And we’re drinking?”

“Why not?” Kallian says. “It’s a family reunion. We have to drink. That’s what family reunions are.” Shianni brings in some goblets, and Cyrions pours it out. Shianni hands them a goblet each.

“Do you have many family reunions?” Zevran asks, taking his goblet and sipping. 

“Not exactly family, but whenever someone’s relative comes to the Alienage, it’s a big thing. Well,  _ usually.  _ I think everyone’s still ostracizing us right now.”

“They should let off after yesterday,” Cyrion says. “Thank you again, by the way. All of you.”

“T’is lucky we found you when we did,” Morrigan comments. “Kallian was about ten seconds away from bleeding out.”

“It wasn’t  _ that  _ bad,” Kallian scoffs. “Look, I’m still in one piece!”

“How’s that shoulder feeling?” Morrigan raises an eyebrow.

Kallian shuffles in her seat. “Alright, fair point.” 

“So Kallian,” Cyrion starts, looking at her over his cup. “How long have you and Zevran been together?”

Kallian takes a sip of her drink at the wrong moment. She chokes, swallowing it down before coughing a little. “Where did you get that from?”

“Well, Zevran was the one to come see us yesterday and inform us of your bedrest. We had a little chat, he speaks very highly of you. I mean, he’s certainly a better fit for you than that other warden boy - Maker, how the alienage would talk.”

The gang stare at Zevran, who looks at Kallian wide-eyed. “I swear, I made no implication that were -”

“So you aren’t together?” Shianni sighs. “You would have made a cute couple. I know she can be a nightmare sometimes Zevran, but you get used to it!” Morrigan bristles at the comments, while Zevran looks as if he wishes to frantically back out of the house. 

“Hey!” Kallian yells, glaring at Shianni. “When have I ever been a nightmare?”

“Where do I even begin?” Shianni says, resting her thumb on her chin. “What about the time you  _ ran away from home _ even though Soris and I begged you not to? Then, when you came back, you ignored us for  _ weeks.” _

“I was going through something!” Kallian yells, getting to her feet. Kallian’s companions shuffle uncomfortably in their seats, watching the fight unfold. Leliana’s eyes dart back and forth between them in interest as she sips her drink. “Maker, you know, I’m  _ glad  _ I’m not stuck in this Alienage anymore. Father only cares that I’m married off to a man, you just want me to give you all my attention!” 

“Hey now -” Cyrion starts, but is quickly spoken over.

“I never said that!” Shianni shouts. “I just - we could have helped you get through it! You didn’t have to shut us out!”

“I came back, didn’t I? I had  _ a few weeks  _ to myself, but apparently that’s me being a nightmare.”

“Ugh! I can’t stand you when you’re like this!” Shianni says, hands in her braids. “You always  _ do _ this!”

“What, stand up for myself?!”

“Cause a  _ scene!”  _

“Stop it! Both of you,” Soris says, stepping between the two. “Maker, I cannot remember the last time I heard you two bicker like this. You’ve been gone for quite some time, Cousin.”

“Obviously not long enough,” Kallian grumbles, sitting back down on the floor and staring at the fire. 

“We’re happy you’re here, Kalli. It wouldn’t be a family reunion without some arguments, right?” Cyrion says, leaning over to ruffle her hair.

Kallian rolls her eyes, but smiles as a memory pops into her mind. “Like when Shianni and I started a food fight at Wintersend?”

“You started it,” Shianni interjects.

“ _ Really,  _ Shianni?”

“...Fine, we both started it.” Shianni sighs. “Fine. So you aren’t dating Zevran - is there anyone else?”

Kallian freezes. “Well…” Her gaze slides over to Morrigan, who is still digesting the Zevran comments, her mouth twisted as if she had just bitten a lemon. “There is, actually. Um.” 

“Don’t keep us in suspense,” Soris jokes. 

“Hah,” Kallian laughs nervously. “Yeah. Well, it’s Morrigan. You see her over there?” Cyrion, Soris and Shianni all turn to stare at Morrigan. 

“Yes.” Morrigan answers. “That would be me.”

“Oh,” Cyrion responds, blandly. Kallian bites her lip, fists clenching in her lap. “You’re the ah, apostate?”

“Some wish to categorise me as such,” Morrigan replies, icily. “I assure you, I am no rabid abomination waiting to happen.”

“Oh, it’s no problem.” Cyrion says, waving his hand. “I know - well, we actually know a mage. There’s a little boy in the alienage, his parents don’t know what to do, bless them. He’s good as gold though. I couldn’t bare if I’d had to send little Kalli away to a circle.” He says, shaking his head. 

“You aren’t gonna report them, right?” Kallian asks, side-eyeing him. 

He frowns at her. “Maker, no. It’s their private business - his mother came to me looking for some advice. Maker knows why - she must think the trouble these three have caused has given me enough parenting experience to make up for it.” He jokes. 

“You should be grateful Wynne did not accompany us,” Morrigan replies. “One word of a uncircled mage and she’ll be out the door herself to collect him and send him off to the Templars.”

“I’m sure that’s not true -” Kallian says, but Zevran gives her a wavy hand gesture, Leliana nodding at his side. “Well, whatever. That’s not - so, you don’t mind?”

“Don’t mind what?”

“About… Me and Morrigan?”

Cyrion chuckles. “No, child. I have long since given up trying to have a say in where your life leads you. After what happened at the wedding, I wasn’t sure if you’d be put off by it.”

“How did you and Morrigan meet?” Shianni asks.

“We met at a swamp,” Kallian starts. Frowns are already starting to take shape in her family’s faces, so she backtracks. “I mean, not a swamp, it was her home! Which was, well, in a swamp -”

“A swamp?” Soris asks, looking Morrigan up and down. “Are you - the Witch of the Wilds?”

“Alistair certainly refers to me as such.” Morrigan deadpans, glaring at him. “Though he too lacks creativity.”

“You owe me gold, sister,” Zevran murmurs under his breath. 

“I can still earn it back before we leave.” Leliana whispers back. 

“Her mother basically told her to come along on our journey - she knows things, you see -” Kallian tries again. “Well, she  _ did  _ know things. Before I. Killed her.”

“Oh Maker,” Leliana whispers. “If you are watching this-”

“ _ Don’t _ tell the Maker about this-” Zevran shout-whispers at her. 

“You  _ killed  _ your lover’s mother?” Soris asks, agape. 

“I mean, Morrigan asked me to -”

“It was necessary. You need not worry.” Morrigan waves it off, desperately wishing for this conversation to end. 

“Look, the girl thing isn’t an issue, right?” Kallian starts again, looking pleadingly between her family members. “You aren’t gonna make a big thing of it?”

“Of course not, it’s nothing new. We were there when you had your thing with Nethra, remember?” The tips of Kallian’s ears go pink and she looks away. “Though in return, I expect you to help me get out of whatever courtship Uncle has in mind for me next.” Shianni continues.

“That’s my specialty.” Kallian winks, grabbing the bottle from beside Cyrion and taking one last swig. “Well, the bottles almost empty. You guys have the rest. We should probably get back to it; the Blight doesn’t wait for us while we have family reunions.”

“You must come again soon, child. I do miss you so.” Cyrion says, getting to his feet as well. He softly strokes through her ginger hair, catching her fingers against her braids. “And redo your braids. They’re all matted.”

“When I have time, father.” Kallian scowls, but hugs him anyway. “I’ll check in once the Blight’s over. If I survive.”

“You have to make it morbid,” Shianni rolls her eyes, grinning. “Don’t get killed out there, okay? We want you back in one piece.”

“Will two pieces not suffice?”

“No, so don’t even dare.” Soris deadpans. 

Kallian gives her cousins a quick hug each, before heading to the door. 

“Thank you for having us,” Leliana comments with a wave. “It was most exciting.”

“Farewell, Tabris family,” Zevran says, following her out.

“It was… Fine to meet you.” Morrigan mutters awkwardly, before hastily exiting. 

Once they’re outside the house, Leliana and Zevran are huddled over, arguing over money. “Leliana, you cannot possibly think I deserve any less than the 2 gold you promised. I  _ won. _ ”

“She didn’t do  _ that _ badly,” Leliana frowns. “She made up for it at the end!”

“‘It was fine to meet you’ does  _ not _ count as a nicety.”

“Fine,” Leliana pouts, handing him over the gold. 

“You two were betting on my ability to behave nicely?” Morrigan glowers. 

“It was too good an opportunity to miss,” Zevran reasons. “Now I am up 2 gold!”

Morrigan grumbles for a moment before feeling a small touch to her elbow. She looks over to see Kallian beside her, smiling. “Went pretty well, huh?” 

“Did it?” Morrigan asks, uncertain.

“Of course!” Kallian replies. “I gotta admit, I’m pretty happy I got out of there. I love my family, but they’re a little much sometimes. Not to mention there’s always something bad happening in the Alienage.”

“You do not think I was rude?”

“No more than usual. I’d count it as a win, love.” Kallian says, standing on her tip-toes to press a light peck to Morrigan’s cheek. “Now, onward! We still have much to do while we’re in Denerim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally whipped this bad boy out so many more chaps are 2 follow 
> 
> pls enjoy


	8. unintentional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small collection of conversations before shit hits the fan.

It turns out that guilt is a lot easier to ignore when you're happy. 

Morrigan learns this as Kallian scrawls across her lap as they sit in front of the fireplace, lacing her fingers through the elf's short red hair as she talks about post-blight life. "I mean, I know I'm a warden for life now but that doesn't mean I can't still do what I want, right? I’ll never stop being a warden, but that doesn’t mean I can’t live my life."

"What do you want to do?" Morrigan queries. 

"Well... I don’t know. Maybe settle down with someone, have a family, you know? Not that I can  _ have _ children anymore..." She gives a weak laugh. "It's funny. Back in the alienage, I wanted nothing to do with marriage or settling down. I wanted adventures, a life of my own, no one to hold me back. Especially after Dalish incident, I wanted to prove myself. Now I feel like... When can I just take a rest and enjoy life?" 

"And a family would let you enjoy life, would it?" Morrigan muses. 

"I mean... With the right person, sure." Kallian stares into the flames, refusing to look into Morrigan's eyes. It's been two weeks since the mission that went awry. They still hadn't discussed their status, both too scared to find out what happens when it's finally brought up. Instead, Morrigan accepts the later consequences and just enjoys the time she has with her warden, while Kallian accepts that Morrigan will shut her out occasionally. 

A knock on the door startles both of them. "Are you decent?" Zevran asks through the door. 

"I'm never decent," Kallian replies, jumping up to open the door with a smile. 

Zevran grins. "Ah, my favourite kind of woman. Would either of you fancy joining me in getting shit-faced?" He holds up a bottle of wine. "I finally found some good Antivan wine in this place. By good I mean awful, but gets you very drunk." 

"You go," Morrigan directs to Kallian. "I was thinking of turning in early." 

"Okay," Kallian smiles. She plants a kiss on Morrigan's cheek. "Sweet dreams." 

Morrigan's curled up in bed, still studying her mother's grimoire when Kallian tumbles through the door a few hours later. "Kallian?" Morrigan calls from the bed, barely looking up. "Are you intending to get off the floor at any point?"

She receives a muffled response from the floor. “Antivan wine bad. Floor cold.”

"You'll regret it in the morning," Morrigan warns.

With a groan, Kallian drags herself across the cold stone floor over to the bed, climbing up ungracefully. She finally sighs in success, relaxing as she lays scrawled across the sheets.

Morrigan continues to read, almost certain Kallian will pass out in a few minutes.

She feels something touching her feet, and looks up to see Kallian's hand wiggling her toes. "Can I help you?"

"Even your toes are perfect," Kallian groans. "That's not f air. You don't get to be gorgeous, powerful, threatening AND have nice toes. You lived in a swamp your whole life! How is that even possible?”

“Magic, perhaps?” Morrigan deadpans. 

Kallian crawls up the bed until they’re side by side, landing on her back with an  _ oof. _ She grins over at Morrigan, triumphant. “Perhaaaps,” she drawls, leaning up to Morrigan’s height. Morrigan watches her sway in place with amusement, putting her book to the side in order to stabilise the elf. Kallian clings to Morrigan’s outstretched hands, pulling them close and staring intently at the lines. She strokes along the crescent, pressing her lips to it tenderly a second later. Morrigan wishes she couldn’t feel her heart swelling at the sight of her warden gently pressing kisses up her arm, each one softer than the last. She stops at her shoulder, leaning closer to press a swift kiss to the tip of Morrigan’s nose. “There you go. An ancient elvhen spell right there.”

Morrigan raises an eyebrow, a smile tugging at her lips. “Oh really? And what does that spell do?”

“Open your legs, hopefully.”

Morrigan snorts, batting Kallian away. “I think you might be too inebriated to have cast it correctly,” she says.

“One day that’ll work,” Kallian sighs, slipping under the bed covers. She tugs Morrigan down with her, and the other complies after blowing the candle out. They lay there side by side in the darkness, but Morrigan can feel Kallian’s eyes on her. “Morrigan?” She murmurs suddenly.

“Kallian?”

“Do you wanna get married?” 

Morrigan goes still, mind working overtime to process her words. “What?”

“Like, in general,” Kallian slurs.

“I… I have not given it much thought,” Morrigan admits. 

“Oh,” Kallian replies, going quiet for a moment. Morrigan almost thinks she’s fallen asleep when she speaks up again. “What about now?”

Morrigan sighs. “Kallian, I do not know if marriage is something I want.”

“Okay,” Kallian replies, sleepily. “Lemme know if you change your mind, okay?”

Morrigan is silent, listening to Kallian’s breathing as it evens out, thankful to escape the questions enclosing around her. When Kallian curls into her side, wrapping an arm around her, Morrigan watches her sleep, eyes glossing over the light freckles that litter her face, the small scars from getting nicked by weapons that are barely noticeable unless you look for them. Her eyes follow the black ink that lines her cheek bones, swirling around and spiking out. She thinks of that night all those weeks ago when Kallian told her about them. She imagines her younger, wide-eyed and full of wonder, running off to the forest in search of adventure, only to find misery and humiliation. She thinks of the Dalish elves who so readily tricked a naïve child, and how they changed her, hurt her, under the guise of loyalty and tradition. How Morrigan was no better than them, her own agenda at the front of her mind while Kallian lay in her arms, totally vulnerable.

Morrigan gently slides out from Kallian’s arm, putting a pillow in her place. Kallian snuggles into the pillow, still sound asleep. Morrigan slips out of the room, wandering over to the windows that look out across the grounds. She suddenly feels overwhelmed; Kallian’s drunken comments sliding into her mind, greasing the gears that turn to tell her that she’s a monster for what she must do. Why had she allowed this to go this far? Meeting her family, talking about marriage? It was too much, Morrigan thought. She had gone too far. She had been tip-toeing the line for so long that she barely noticed when she stepped over it. 

A sudden sound from her right makes her jump and she turns to glare at the culprit. She finds Zevran stumbling around the corner, making his way to his own room. As their eyes meet, Zevran straightens a little, while Morrigan looks away. “Surprised to see you’re still awake,” Zevran comments, wandering past. 

“Well, I am.” Morrigan replies, coldly.

Zevran pauses by his door, turning to look at her. “Morrigan,” he starts, with an oddly serious tone. Morrigan turns to look at him. “Do not hurt her.”

“What makes you think I would?” Morrigan asks, feeling suddenly bare. Could he tell what she was planning? Had she been too obvious?

Zevran doesn’t reply; he stares at her for a moment longer before he heads into his chambers, closing the door behind him. Morrigan swallows, trying to ignore the lump forming in her throat. She wanders towards the spare quarters, attempting to sleep in the cold, empty bed as her mind reels over thoughts of Kallian in the next room over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up next: heartbreak city


	9. uncontrollable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit Officially Hits The Fan

Morrigan paces back and forth in front of the fireplace. She knew she’d have to broach the subject with the warden eventually, but actually telling her… Was going to be a bit more difficult. Their relationship had grown tremendously over the last several months spent in each other’s company, complete with its ups and downs, falling outs and making ups, and Morrigan reluctantly managed to accept that she was head over heels in love with the warden. This could break them. This  _ would _ break them. She’d seen the hurt on Kallian’s face too many times already, and desperately wished she didn’t have to be the one to cause it again. She takes a deep breath. 

A soft knock on the door makes her halt. “Heard you were looking for me,” Kallian hangs around the door, giving her a cheeky grin. She wanders in without hesitation or permission, dropping onto Morrigan’s bed and laying across it luxuriously. “So, what was it you wanted? A roll around in the sheets? Seducing a Grey Warden, huh? I bet there’s a law about not doing that somewhere. I wouldn’t know, they didn’t give me any rule book. Just, ‘drink this thing we refuse to explain and if you live then congrats, you’re a Grey Warden.’ And Duncan was surprised I put up so much resistance to the idea in the first place.” Kallian rambles, her initial train of thought slowly descending down a different set of tracks. 

“Kallian,” Morrigan starts, hesitantly.

“I mean, Alistair’s told me a few things about the Grey Wardens since then. Like, apparently we can’t bare children.” 

Kallian suddenly goes quiet at her own words, and Morrigan bites her tongue on her own issues. “It is not certain. I am sure one day, you will be able to…”

“Well, maybe you can have the baby for us,” Kallian says, smile back in place, albeit nervously, as though the idea has been weighing her for quite a time. “What do you say?”

“Kallian,” Morrigan starts again. 

“Morrigan,” Kallian replies, standing up to face her. She comes up just shy of Morrigan’s chin, looking up at her with soft, pleading green eyes. Morrigan looks into them long enough to see her own anxious expression looking back. Kallian moves closer, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss Morrigan’s jaw and down her neck. Morrigan doesn’t move, every thought in her mind whirling like a merry-go-round. Kallian kisses down her arm, placing a final kiss on the back of her hand as she holds it in her own. 

“I,” Morrigan pulls her hands away. “I need to talk to you.”

“Is it related to what I just said?”

Morrigan clenches her jaw. “In a way, yes.”

“Alright,” Kallian says, stepping back a little. She folds her arms, ready and waiting.

Morrigan tries to swallow around the lump in her throat. “I know what happens when an archdemon dies. A Grey Warden must be sacrificed, and that sacrifice could be you. I know a way out of this. I can keep you from harm with a - ritual.”

“Wow,” Kallian replies, blinking with surprise. “I - that’s amazing. What kind of ritual?”

“It would be performed on the eve of battle, in the dark of night,” Morrigan says, hesitating before she continues. “What I propose is this: convince Alistair to lay with me here, tonight. And from this ritual a child shall be conceived within me.”

Kallian holds up her hand, stopping her. “Wait. What. So when I said, is this related to the baby thing, this is what you meant -“

“The child will bear the taint, and when the archdemon is slain, its essence will seek the child like a beacon.” Morrigan continues. “At this early stage, the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The archdemon is still destroyed, with no grey warden dying in the process.” She steps away, moving to the fireplace. After a few moments of silence, she looks over at Kallian. “Well?”

“You want a darkspawn baby?” 

“ _ That _ is what you take away from -  _ no, _ Kallian. It will become something different: a child born with the soul of an Old God.”

“Okay,” Kallian says, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose as she tries to wrap her head around this. “Okay. Right. So… Is that a yes to my proposal?”

Morrigan gives a heavy sigh. “After the ritual is done, you allow me to walk away… And you do not follow. Ever. The child will be mine to raise as I wish.”

Kallian is silent. 

She gives Morrigan a dead-eyed stare. She walks over to the door, and slowly pushes it shut. 

“Well, that’s not going to fucking happen,” Kallian tells her, coldly. “Are you kidding me? Tell me this is a joke. Morrigan, tell me.”

“’You should know by now that I do not joke.”

“Liar,” Kallian argues. “What are you even talking about? What are you doing, Morrigan?”

“I was -“

“Do I mean that  _ little _ to you? Has this all just been one big game to you? Whoever betrays people the most wins?"

“You matter a great deal -“

“Obviously I don’t, or you wouldn’t be doing this. I ask you if you want to raise a child together, and you turn around and tell me you’re going to shag Alistair, run off with the baby and never talk to me again.” Kallian paces angrily in front of her, hands in her auburn braids, clinging for dear life. "I thought we could make it, Morrigan. I wanted to make it to the end with you. Why won’t you let me be with you? Why must you always do this to me?”

Morrigan sits on the edge of the bed, hands in her lap. She stares at them as she speaks. “This is what my mother intended when she sent me with you. She was the one who first gave me this ritual and told me of what I was meant to do.” Kallian sucks in a sharp breath, making Morrigan look up. She wishes she hadn’t seen the disappointed look on her face. “This does not surprise you, does it? Did you not wonder why Flemeth saved your life, why she aided you? This is why. What is important is that I am offering it to you now. It will work and it will save your life.”

“If you cared about my life you would stay in it,” Kallian snaps. “But I’m guessing there’s no way I can stop you. I should have known you would up and leave me at some point. Even if I refused, you’d still leave right?” At Morrigan’s lack of response, Kallian nods. “Right. Well, I’m glad I could be your _faithful_ _pawn_ in all this. It must have been hard acting like you loved me.”

“I did - I  _ do, _ Kallian. My fondness of you was not something I had ever expected to happen. I did not intend… I did not intend things to go this far.”

Kallian smiles bitterly. Her eyes begin to water. “Well, they have. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go see a warden about fucking my lover.”

She absconds quickly, leaving Morrigan feeling a whirlwind of emotions. She had not expected such a violent reaction. She supposes she should have, knowing Kallian - but all the times she imagined it in her head, she saw the small, crying Kallian, wrapped up in her bedsheets from months ago, quietly voicing her objections before eventually granting Morrigan’s wishes. She had rehearsed it so many times, imagined and re-imagined every situation she could think of - but none of them could predict Kallian’s explosive emotional outburst that ripped the seams of Morrigan’s composure. The dog wanders in, dropping his head into Morrigan’s lap as she stares intently at the fireplace. The soft crackle of wood burning gives her focus, and she forces herself to hold onto it.

“I made the right choice,” She says, ignoring the dread that rests in her stomach. “I made the right choice.”

The dog looks up at her and barks softly.

Morrigan strokes his head and sighs. “Yes. I believe you may be right.” 

  
  


Kallian storms down the hallway, her mind aflame with a symphony of fury and sorrow. She paces up and down, back and forth, trying to rid the excess anger in some way. She wants to punch something, to fight - but the fighting isn’t until tomorrow, and she can’t wait that long. 

“You’ll wear out the floorboards if you keep doing that,” The familiar ferelden accent makes Kallian twitch. 

“Laugh it up while you can, Alistair.” Kallian replies, pacing even faster. “Because what I’m about to tell you is gonna wipe that smile off your face for a couple weeks, at least.” 

“What’s wrong?” Alistair asks, tilting his head to the side in concern. He places a hand on Kallian’s shoulder, which is promptly shrugged off. 

“You wanna live past tomorrow, right?” 

“Yes…” Alistair agrees, unsure where this is going. 

Kallian turns to the nearest window and finds herself looking out into the dark courtyard. “It seems that our brilliant apostate companion has found a solution. Where no one needs to die.”

“That’s brilliant! Right? It is, isn’t it? It’s just, you look pretty... irritated.” 

_ Understatement of the century, _ Kallian thinks. “What is it Grey Wardens are always saying? ‘In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice.’ Grey Wardens always gotta sacrifice something, huh?”

“I don’t really know what you’re saying? You’re not making a lot of sense.” Alistair answers uncertainly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry. You’ve only gotta sacrifice your virginity. I’m sacrificing…” All those times Kallian had imagined her future since they started this, Morrigan had been in it. She had imagined them together, tucked away somewhere in the forest, raising a family of their own. Safe from the blight, away from prying eyes. Just them, together, and free. Kallian had always hated the idea of marriage, most likely due to the unsuccessful arrangement of her and Nelaros, but she’d always imagined them together for the rest of time, matching rings on their intertwined fingers as they cuddle up beneath the fireplace. “…Everything.” 

“My  _ virginity _ \- Kalli, what is going on? You’re saying some really confusing things without explaining anything.”

“Fine,” Kallian steels herself, turning to him. “You want an explanation? There’s a ritual. You need to impregnate Morrigan, tonight, so that when the archdemon is killed, its soul attaches to the baby. We don’t have to die, so everyone’s happy. That’s it.”

“…Is this a prank?” Alistair asks suddenly, expression changing as his mind does. “Har-har. You got me. As if that would ever -“

At the murderous expression on Kallian’s face, Alistair’s comment dies in his throat. “ _ Really? _ ”

“Really,” Kallian deadpans. “So? Yes or no?”

“I don’t know!” Alistair splutters. “I mean - yes? No, no, no… I don’t - oh, Maker.”

“No use praying now,” Kallian mutters. “You need to decide, because I want to stop talking about this and go hit something.”

The pieces continue to fall into place for Alistair, as he finally understands Kallian’s reaction. “I’m sorry,” He says after a moment, stepping forward to wrap his arms around her. She tenses, fists balled at her sides. Slowly, she relaxes, reluctantly putting her arms around him. “I’m sorry Kalli.”

“S’not your fault,” she mumbles, hearing the wobble in her voice as the tears begin to fall on Alistair’s shirt.

“Did  _ she _ say sorry?”

“It’s Morrigan. You know the answer to that.”

Alistair hugs her a little tighter. “Yeah, I do.” He releases her and takes a step back, looking more collected. He takes a deep breathe. “We’re conscripted knowing that we will have to sacrifice ourselves at one time or another. It may as well just be a piece of me, rather than all of me.” At Kallian’s small nod, he grabs her shoulder. “No matter what, I’ll always be here. We’re in this together. If it helps, this will probably ruin sex for me for life.”

“You’d be surprised. She’s good with her tongue.”

“Maker, stop. I don’t want to know.”

“Good at multitasking, too.”

“Please don’t.”

“The magic comes in handy, as well -“

“You are making this so much harder.”

“Kinda the point. Now stick it somewhere useful and save the world,” Kallian says, wandering down the hall and out of sight. Alistair watches her leave and sighs, making his way over to Morrigan’s door. He stands there a second more, before finally knocking.

Kallian watches him from around the corner, watching as he’s allowed entry, and as the door closes behind them. Kallian’s feels her heart sink, feels it break. It wouldn’t be the first time. Her emotions wash over her in waves, and she can’t stop it. She makes her way to Zevran’s room in a haze of despair. 

After her frequent knocking, the door is opened, and Zevran gives her a look of concern. “Kalli? What’s wrong?”

Kallian pushes him back, closing the door behind them. Zevran reaches for her hand, but she wraps her arms around his neck instead, sliding close and kissing him. “Kalli,” Zevran startles in surprise, unsure of how to react.

“Fuck me,” Kalli whispers, “Until I can’t think anymore.”

“I don’t think now is the time -“ Her lips silence him, emoting enough of a reaction for him to kiss back for a moment. They move towards the bed, Kallian falling back onto it with Zevran above her. He pulls away, and looks in her glassy eyes. He cups her cheek, gently. “Tell me what’s going on,” Zevran requests, wiping away the stray tear that begins to fall from her cheek. 

“Everything’s gone to shit,” she breathes. “I’m going to live, and everything’s gone to shit.”

Zevran rolls off, laying beside her. “Start from the beginning.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyWAYS


	10. unreachable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get sadder and im crying

Morrigan lays on her back, breathing heavily. Alistair mirrors her position, both pointedly looking anywhere but each other. Alistair fiddles with the sheets, unsure of what to do now. Should he get up and leave? Should he say something? 

“So,” He starts, immediately regretting it as Morrigan’s head whips round to face him. “That was…”

“Intercourse, yes.” Morrigan replies, nonplussed. 

“Yes. Right. Urm.” He scratches his head, unsure of where to start. “So this baby.”

“As I told Ka - the warden, earlier, the baby will take the soul of the archdemon once it has been slain. Then, I shall leave with my child. Neither of you will ever see them again. Or me, for that matter.”

“Oh.” Alistair says, dejectedly. His gaze steels as he turns to her. “You know, I think you should apologise to Kallian.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve never seen her this upset before,” Alistair admits. “I mean, I know you’re leaving, but shouldn’t you end this on a good note? She’ll just come after you, you know.”

Morrigan sighs. “I did not wish to upset her, but it was inevitable. I knew that it would come. Where is the use in apologising when I knew this would happen?” 

“Because it isn’t about you. It’s about making her feel better before you abandon her.”

“’Tis a strong word, coming from you. How far through templar training did you get before  _ abandoning _ the Chantry?”

“You can lash out at me all you want, Morrigan, but you know I’m right. You owe this to her.”

“And you owe it to me to get out of my chambers,” Morrigan replies, coldly. 

Alistair doesn’t need to be asked twice. He scoops up his clothing, redressing as he heads to the door. “Talk to her. Before this all ends. You’ll regret it otherwise.” With a final swing of the door closing, Morrigan is alone. 

She rests her hand on her stomach, imagining the baby that will soon reside there. She won’t be alone for long. As she drifts to sleep, the fade orchestrates her dreams for the night.

 

 

~*~*~

 

“Kieran!” Morrigan calls, standing on her doorstep. The cottage they reside in is small and dainty, hidden amongst the trees with vines of ivy crawling along the walls. She walks out further from the house, calling once more. “Kieran!”

“He’s fine,” Kallian replies as she walks around the corner, an axe in her hand and a wide smile on her face. “I saw him climbing trees half an hour ago after chasing some fennecs.” As she walks over, resting the axe against the wall, before leaning up to kiss Morrigan’s cheek. “How’s dinner coming along?” 

“’Tis almost ready, hence why I need Kieran to come back and wash up.”

“I’ll go grab him,” Kallian says with a wink, before sprinting off into the woods. Morrigan shakes her head with a smile, heading back inside to check on dinner.

Just as she begins to serve up, she hears the familiar howling laughter that Kallian has, and looks out through her window to see Kieran resting on Kallian’s shoulders, holding onto her head for dear life as she sprints back. “Kieran! I can’t see with your hands on my eyes!”

“I can see.”

“Yes, I know  _ you _ can see, but I can’t and I’m driving!”

“Driving?”

“Fine, just tell me where to go, okay?”

“Stop, we’re gonna crash!”

“Ahhhh!”

“Just kidding."

“You little runt! Get down here so I can tickle you to death!” Kallian says, swinging him off of her shoulders and into her arms. Laughter bubbles out of Kieran as Kallian tickles his sides, squealing as he tries to wriggle free. Kallian laughs, just adapting to his movements, until she’s holding him completely upside down. “Come on, dinner’s ready and mummy’s waiting.”

“I can’t walk upside down!”

“You can if I hold you. Here, come on,” she says, holding him a little lower, until his hands can touch the ground. They walk in together, and after having witnessed their spectacle through the window, Morrigan is hardly surprised by the amount of dirt they both seem to be covered in. 

“How did you get this dirty in under 5 minutes?”

“I was climbing trees!” Kieran responds excitedly. 

“I see that. What’s your excuse?” Morrigan turns to Kallian, who shrugs her shoulders.

“I was climbing trees,” she repeats, a hint of a smirk resting at the side of her lips. 

“You are both nuisances,” Morrigan says, stepping closer to kiss her. After a few seconds, Kieran makes a  _ bleugh _ noise.

“What was that, mister?” Kallian says, pulling away. “Was someone feeling left out?”

“No!” Kieran says, dashing to the other side of the table. 

“Does someone want a kiss?” Kallian asks, grinning maniacally as she chases him around the kitchen.

“No, no!” Kieran laughs, trying to escape. 

“Alright, that will do,” Morrigan says, catching him in her arms. “I did not make dinner for you two to let it go cold. Now sit down, will you?”

They both comply, sitting in their usual seats around their small wooden table and digging in. 

“Mmmmm,” Kieran hums around a mouthful.

“This is amazing,” Kallian moans around another bite. “How much magic did you use this time?”

“Only a little,” Morrigan admits. “I seem to be improving my cooking ability by the sounds of it.”

“To be honest, anything is better than that gruel we used to eat during the Blight,” Kallian munches. “But you’re right. It’s delicious, you did a good job.”

“Thank you,” Morrigan smiles, pleased with herself. It was a foreign feeling for her, to feel so at peace, so content and joyful all at once. It was a feeling she only ever seemed to experience when in Kallian’s company. With Kieran at their side, it made her even happier.

A family of her own. She had never known she could have this. 

 

~*~*~

 

All too soon, Morrigan wakes up. She startles, sitting up in her bed, hand on her chest. As reality crashes into her, her heart sinks. She was not at that cottage, and Kallian was not at her side. She doubted she ever would be again, after tonight. 

The thought fills her heart with dread. 

The dream weighs on her heavily as she trudges to the main hall for breakfast, sitting down at the table and ignoring the eyes of her companions following her. Morrigan can barely bother to listen in to the discussion at hand, desperately trying to block out Kallian’s presence. She can’t allow herself to go back on the plan now. She can’t. 

“You seem quiet,” Leliana murmurs next to her, voice low enough that only she could hear. 

“Your point?” Morrigan replies at the same volume. 

“Are you well?”

“I am fine.”

“Fine is fairly subjective, no?”

“Quit while you are ahead, sister.”

Leliana complies with a sigh, turning back to the others to contribute to their conversation. Morrigan catches Wynne’s look of pity, and she glares back. 

“Alright, listen up everyone,” Kallian says, and Morrigan can’t ignore her now. Not when she’s speaking, expecting everyone to look and listen. Including her. Morrigan tries not to look, she really does. If she looks, she’s worried she’ll never be able to leave. “The battle is today. The Blight will finally be over. This will be our last day together as a family -“

“We are not kin.” Sten interrupts.

“Rude, I’m in the middle of speeching,” Kallian pouts, before continuing. “But he makes a good point. No, we aren’t family in a typical sense - but this past year has been… A journey. It’s had its ups and downs, but at the end of it all, I’m just glad that I had all of you at my side. Whatever happens, I just want you all to know that I’m grateful. I’m grateful you’re here with me. I don’t know what’s going to go down tonight, but if we make it out alive, the first round is on me for whoever stays.” She says, a round of cheers following. Morrigan can’t help it. She looks up. Kallian stares straight back at her, eyes filled to the brim with a cauldron of emotions. Somehow, Morrigan is able to translate that one look into words:  _ Don’t go. _

She knew she shouldn’t have looked. 

Morrigan gets to her feet, and walks back to her room without another glance in the table’s direction. 


	11. unmistakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends say goodbye, lovers say see you soon.

Kallian finishes checking her armour, preparing her weapons for the coming battle. She slides her daggers into their holders with ease, patting them securely into place. One by one, her companions come over and talk to her. Wynne tells her she’s proud of her and gives her a tight hug, Oghren spiels about honour, Shale tells Kallian not to get eaten. Sten pats her head, albeit reluctantly, before going into battle talk. Leliana makes her cry, telling her how good of a friend she has been, and hopes that she makes it out alive. Alistair hopes they both make it out long enough to get a drink. “The ritual won’t stop you from getting squashed, so be careful, yeah?” He jokes, but Kallian notes the fear behind his eyes.

Zevran tells her he will follow her to the end, and Kallian pulls him into a hug tight enough to suffocate him. 

Morrigan wanders over at last, hesitation in her steps, Kallian’s anger as fresh in her mind as the beautiful dream she had this morning. “So,” she starts, and Kallian’s breath catches. She didn’t know if Morrigan would even try and talk to her before the battle. “We head into the city together. As it should be.” 

Kallian catches her tongue, not wanting their last moments together to be an argument.

“Once this is done, no matter how it turns out, I will be gone. You are aware of this, yes?”

“I was hoping you might have changed your mind,” Kallian mumbles, refusing to meet her eyes.

“It is… Tempting. You do not know how much. But no,” she says, watching Kallian’s shoulders drop. “Allow me to say one thing before we go.”

Kallian nods, eyes darting anywhere but hers. 

“I… I am sorry. I was foolish. This could have been so much easier, and yet… I cannot regret what was between us. Had this been another time and we been different people, I…” She remembers her dream; Kallian’s smiling face leaning up to kiss her, her child and Kallian playing outside, chasing round the kitchen. She thinks of them tucked up by the fireplace, reading in bed, walking into the city with their child on her shoulders, growing old together. She thinks of it all. The best things in life are the ones you can’t have. “I will always remember you, my love.” She strokes Kallian’s cheek, brushing a braid behind her ear. She presses a kiss to her cheek, but Kallian chases after her, putting her arms around the mage’s neck and tugging her in for a proper kiss goodbye. Morrigan feels it then; the fury that hid behind the elf’s eyes, the despair from Morrigan’s actions, all from the fierce press of Kallian’s lips to hers. Something breaks in Kallian as the kiss softens; her hands gripping Morrigan for dear life, the wetness of her tears sliding down between their cheeks. When they break, Morrigan looks a little dazed; surprised by the sheer power of the kiss. She can’t seem to look anywhere but Kallian’s eyes. She catches her breath for a moment, before finally looking to the battle field. Everyone is ready, prepared - they know what must happen, and she knows it too. It’s with great pain that she drags her eyes back to Kallian. “Shall we?” She asks, voice shaking every so slightly.

“Wait,” Kallian stops her. She pulls back for a second and pauses, before reaching up and taking her glass arrow-head necklace off. “I want you to have this.”

“What?” Morrigan questions, eyes wide. “Kallian, you needn’t -“

“Please,” the redhead replies, a sad smile on her face. “You have no excuse to forget me with this. Take good care of it, okay?” 

Morrigan stares at her, dumbfounded that anyone would ever give her such a sentimental gift. At Kallian’s insistence, she leans down, letting the elf stand on her toes to place the necklace around her neck. The blue glass shimmered as the light from the torches catch it. Kallian affectionately rubs her thumb over the arrow-head, before caressing Morrigan’s cheek. She pulls her into an embrace, desperately hoping she wouldn’t have to let go. She knew all too well how soon they would enter battle, but for this moment, for these last few beautiful seconds… She held everything she could ever want in her arms. 

Morrigan pulls back after only a few seconds, and Kallian has to wipe her own eyes quickly, before anyone else notices. “To battle.” Morrigan whispers.

“To battle,” Kallian agrees, tugging her helmet down. 

 

+++

 

It’s brutal and it’s bloody, but they make it. Kallian gives it her very all; her blades sliding through darkspawn faster than she can comprehend herself. She doesn’t think; doesn’t think about what will happen when the battle is over. When Morrigan has slipped away into the night, never to be seen by her again. She refuses to think about it, screaming out a war cry as she decapitates Hurlock after Hurlock.

She reaches the archdemon first, charging through with Alistair and Zevran on her heels. She can hear Morrigan nearby as she casts spells, freezing the Archdemon for mere seconds before it’s roaring again. She soaks up every word she can hear, attempting to memorise every rise and fall in Morrigan’s voice. As she climbs up the Archdemon’s craggy back, she catches a view of Morrigan casting, and wonders if this will be the last time. She hesitates, watching her a moment longer - too long. The archdemon notices her and shakes her off, throwing Kallian to the ground with a hard thud. 

“Kallian!” Zevran yells. Alistair rushes forward, shield up to protect them from the oncoming fireball. 

Alistair tries to pull her out from the Archdemon’s feet, but one clawed foot wraps around her, beginning to squeeze. Morrigan rushes forward, throwing a healing spell onto the elven warden. 

“What the shit -“ Kallian mumbles, opening her eyes to see a giant dragon looking down at her between its claws. “Fuck!” She grip tightens around her blades, and she slides them through the toes. The dragon screeches in pain, releasing Kallian and letting her roll out of range. She jumps to her feet, ignoring how lightheaded she was, and takes a run at it. She grabs a health poultice from her belt and downs it, smashing the container to the ground as she reclaims her daggers, digging them once more into the dragon’s body. She climbs it like a mountain, forcefully scaling it to the top. As she reaches its head, she doesn’t hesitate. With all her strength, she drives the blades deep into the charred flesh, ripping it from side to side. The head drops to the ground, and the body quickly follows. 

Kallian sees it; the moment it all ends.

The Archdemon dies.

The Blight is over.

They survived.

Morrigan smiles up at her, a small, broken smile. Kallian feels her heart freeze, and then she’s sliding down the Archdemon’s corpse at top speed, refusing to let Morrigan go. By the time she reaches the bottom, she’s greeted by her party, the lot of them cheering in victory and hugging her. She breaks away, trying to find Morrigan. She looks around, desperately hoping she’d changed her mind. She knew she wouldn’t, but there’s a part of her so small and yet so significant that believes she’ll change her mind, that Kallian clings to with all her might. 

Her search is pointless, she realises as the dread sets in.

Morrigan’s already gone.

Kallian knows she should be feeling victorious, but all she can feel is sorrow. Their journey is over. Just like that naive little city elf that had ran to the forest in hopes of joining the Dalish, she was alone once more.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the epilogue my dudes


End file.
